Poemz from 2007-2008

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 - 12:37 pm

leaves are falling
They've lost their fun
just like the years we've outrun
Baby blue
you look old and parched
Why did you sell your youth
So early to the truth in this world
So early to the old man down the street
or was it stolen from you
The bandit, reality's misty swamps

The days of gator trees
apple stinger bees
back then your smile
could get you anything
the world the size of your looking glass

Those dimes in the bags of your eyes
Leathered eyelids
stitched hearts
with puzzle pieces of love
That fit together well
but make up the wrong picture
maybe its true that some things never change

i leave this unknown
like the treasures we leave behind
in the past
so we can weightlessly tread forward Thursday, November 1, 2007 - 2:15 pm

You say friendship lasts
well where does it last to?
Frames give boundaries to enjoy
I never thought I'd be the one to loose you
Have i become a whore of desire?
have I become a whore of fame?
A whore of Freedom?
A Whore of butterfly restrain?
and your smile has become like porcelain
Your happiness so easy to break
Your heart into plastic
so why do i feel so fake?
You'll always be the bottle i send
to drift at sea
but now i know the secrets
will have to stay
in deserted sands
here with me
if only i could drift at sea
past the white foam
through all my dreams
then i could tell you
the honest color of the sky
the honest color of a tear
when its not against the skin

Monday, November 5, 2007 - 11:11 am

confusion
constantly in my gut
my name:
chrystal to Chris
billy to Bill
jimmy to Jim
Its pathetic how i live in my thoughts


Friday, November 9, 2007 - 11:52 am

A price on humanity
can i buy your love
emotion for sell
in a candy store
which lies about product
the tenets, demons?
as i walk beside
the two endless tracks
i realize death and birth
are nothing but the same
and time: a silly reminder
of where my life is supposedly
meant to be
A child of five will spend his whole life
in one big circle
confined to one big device
malled by the careless messengers
love just never stays
but for the time it does
it feels so great
grief and turmoil
comes and goes
all contributing to the void
that connects our feet to our souls
all we are is all we'll be
temperate simplicity
I'm not faking any thoughts
I can't fathom your reasons
for faitour smiles
and plastic skin
barbed wire lungs
and metal hearts
Your glassy eyes
and Hydro filled veins
making all thats real
a false hope
and a detained body
Dreams drained for scientific pain
its so much easier
to remain hollow with in
but living life and love
feels like a better win
wilted flowers on a autumn day
my kind of winter in the months of may
chemical clouds
and gas mask tea
No one wants to take a drive with me
The sunflowers doused in ponds
Mistaken for water lilies
My poems
in chips on the computer
and the pages withered
frayed, the happenings of my heart
deliberately remain unknown
Its hard to contain a fire
don't you know
even more so
when its held in a vase
the size of your eye
the lid, thin glass
from the heart of a gnome
and the fire ten times the size
of my body
.... damn i could go for a icy cold coke

Tuesday, November 13, 2007 - 11:30 am

Sensuality often hastens the growth of love, so much that the roots remain weak, and are easily torn up.

I love that.
gardens I've seen are
tamed beauty
cut and weaved
Through out soil
that otherwise cements dead bodies
So many secrets in our soil
A poet is not one to exploit beauty or love
unless he writes with his mind
and not his throbbing heart
A Indian cursed with a never ending heart beat
has the women cut out his heart to end the pain
of life.
The women now has the heart throbbing in her breast
Theres this fascination that enthralls me
Living.
Living is definite
we feel that we're alive
with every rain drop to the skin
every kiss from a friend
Every heart ache we bear
as we watch the loves of our life
walk away with out even a second glance
Through all this we seem to care of the undefined
We want an ever beating heart
Then we don't have to die.

just thoughts

Monday, November 19, 2007 - 12:47 pm

Is solitude demeaning?
How many paved roads must we take
until we get to ride the dirt highway?
Can you taste the unknown?
What if you could?
simply by opening your eyes
and stepping outside this small
compacted world they've created for us.
It doesn't matter why you think it..
it only matters that you can
Little homely circus men
Women with their skin too close to their bones
Children at one, counting to ten
camels dying of thirst
Cigarette cartons
and a candy cane hearse
Floating umbrellas
and carpeted grass
love hiding in words
Words sealed inside our
sliver infested excuse for a throat
Star dust falls every night
to the tongues of wonder filled eyes
Feeding the souls
of spirited woes
and quenching the thirst
for those of us who thirst the worst
Is solitude Demeaning?
Or is it dissapearing

Monday, November 26, 2007 - 11:53 am

Pawn this Beautiful Dream

Pawn this beautiful dream
I'm floating away, and you can't bring me down
i can't bring you down either
i love kissing the sunflower at the end of a gray rainbow
throwing the money off the titanic dick
is most fulfilling
because next I'll be the starving child
I paid for two tickets and received a notice of death.
Twas celebration the best
Our Rosie cheeks soft as petals from the Jungle rare
Crinkling pillows from devils hair
Peeling scales from dragons far
Twas magic and scars
Wrap your fingers in this shag
I taste the paint from the wolves paws
Tis' nothing but my adopted mother
fuck HER_pluck HER
I'm still deep in this pointless dream
& its fun because i can't feel a thing
Twiddle me this I Twiddle my thumbs
Your face, broken with glass
The very state I'm in

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 - 11:10 am

Destiny? or something like it, on the verge
i see my life ridding to me from the horizon
I fear it is only a transitory mirage
a water hole that is only sand, grinding between my teeth
Dust, a tornado in my lungs
love or something like it
hope or something close to it
Breath or a passing relapse into silence
breathe in the acid
exhale the smoke
Playing in puddles
because life seems, at most a joke
He tagged everything with a price
He held the TV up on his shoulders
because it was lighter than bearing the weight of the world
not this lifeless tease
Chasing the treat, that dangles from a string
rap-tap-tapping the cage
to gather tourists change
We can put on this show for ever
but never can we tame the gowd
that gathers lint
in the pockets of the crowd
The ocean of blind human bodies
Heads up hands down
to our maker
to our destiny

Monday, December 10, 2007 - 11:33 am

Flowers rise from the snow
Little children accepting
that they just don't know

I forgive you
for what you've done
But i still can't seem
to let it go

I remember driving
away from everything
aimlessly down a road

I remember hiding
Far away in the meadows
Sheltered by the charcoal trees
back then when i felt like nobody

Bumble bees blowing my cover
but nothing was worse
then your sting

Even now i feel
like a dead vegetable
Lying in a rose bed
Thorns i do impale
Punctures to a dream bubble

Your eyes sparkle
your skin is soft
i can't help but love you
when i really ought to not

i swept up the stars
that fell from your sunset eyes
I dusted off your lullaby's
Sat on the splinter rocking chair
died again inside
felt anger in my fingertips
and sadness in my heart
curse words in my lips
hunger in my teeth

deprivation
neglect
thirst

while i drowned inside myself
Down deep inside myself
I conjure my reasonings
I wake all my doubts

All i need is the sun rising
every morning above me

dead sun rising
dead sun rising
dead sun rising


Tuesday, December 18, 2007 - 10:47 am

If i could do one thing...
I'd show the world a picture of itself

Dark silhouettes
Wednesday, December 26, 2007 - 1:05 pm

Dark Silhouettes
above me
while spring ends
autumn raids the valley

we wade in hot waters
with dim neon crowns
humming harmonious sounds
all in all
we were
there

The blues this valley torments
the love it radiates
the beauty of a setting sun
a rising moon
a buried gun

I watched the moon set
behind the dead forest
I watched it
sparkle in your eyes
I feel the coldness
of the wind
as it weaves through my hair

I'll admit
you left me there
energized and scared
Truth begets beauty
Beauty is born from fear
fear torn from the deepest
caverns of my heart
tossed aside
so living can start

you've set a lasting
impression in my heart

says a belife in fear
Sunday, December 30, 2007 - 2:05 pm

I believe in fear
and because i do
I live by it
I realize I am more afraid of fear
than fear itself
I'm nothing with out it
It fuels me
fools me
leaves me tied up in knots
but it defines me
& and is part of who I am
& who I dare love


a new year
Tuesday, January 1, 2008 - 4:06 am

brings hope
and a sunrise from within
she lays there at his side
spilling her intoxicated guts
from her swelling stomach
"place the ring back on my finger please..."
she whispers
"if i loose you, i truly have nothing"
in the mist of nothingness:
this my friends is truly fullfilling
I've found beauty
I've guilt from writing poetry
while love dwells alone
please come home
to the house you've never had
there's love here
no matter how you take it
no matter how silly it sounds
I believe there's this fairy
quaint & settled to our shoulder tops
that keeps a watchful eye
to the consumption of magic
in tragic need, devoured by our lives
i believe that the sounds of the unknown
are constantly defining us
calling us:
to come back home
to the house we've never had
i know there's love there
all it takes
is the truth
you carry within yourself
come home
to the house You've never had
to love
to truth
...
"love: there is no words, to even describe

unless
Sunday, February 3, 2008 - 11:26 am

Its cold outside
The snow towers to the sky
I Bow down
and kiss the feet
of conformity
reign myself slowly to strife

such uneasy feeding
of the mind
The rust of faith

i watch children
die as they imagine war
Play grounds hold tanks
that replace the swing sets
clipped wings
love songs

diamonds are worthless
things

sour promises
sugarcoated hopes
there's lines they say
when dreaming

That the world of wonder
falls short of the expectation of the mind
The bar lowered with the opening of your eyes
Welcome to the world of woe



I'll stay alone
Because i want nothing
unless its real
unless the stars fall

you stay as far as possible


I hate the fake crooked smile
of a dreamer with no cause

i was blessed with a blackout for a future
Friday, March 14, 2008 - 12:55 pm

I was lying in bed the other day thinking about the future. I broke down because all i could see in my future was blackness. There was no one, nothing. I guess this is suppose to happen when you graduate high school. The question hits you. "where am i going with my life?" But this feeling wasn't like that at all. I can't dream about my future for a reason. Its so i live my life in the now. Now is all I have. The past week I met someone who understood all my thoughts and shared the same feelings about this world. He told me there are many others who feel the same way. I'm not alone anymore. Its selfish really to think the things you think about are yours alone. sometimes in the mess the world piles upon you creates this mentality of abandoned alienation. But no one is alone.
no one.
Through it all
I'm blessed with a blackout for a future
It leaves more room to paint what I'd like
Idea by Idea, Day by Day
who are they to say
there is no other way
redemption of a sunny day
you to

gypsy blood
Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 3:23 pm

I'm a theif
and a liar
I'm everything your
soul desires
I've gypsy blood inside my veins
black tar and feathers
I'll make you heart stone cold
your skin leather cuddling your bones
I'll wear you teeth around my neck
like jewels to parade my affection
a shrine of devotion
up in flames
a nod of notion
I'll drown you in the
oceans of my thoughts
replace you with hopeful
untied knots
a kiss cry
hung out
up in the trees to dry
I only hear your voice
in the winds
Your heartbeat
in the thunder
as i walk away
past the feilds
bare feet
burnt skin
I feel you looking at the moon
I feel that your lonely
I'm a theif
and a Liar
I'm everything you soul desires
I've gypsy blood within my veins
black tar and feathers
stone cold
I'll make you pinky swear
we were never born
We'll douse the fire
dismember the mountains
Flaten the desert
even more

your absolutely right
Thursday, March 20, 2008 - 7:48 pm

Your absolutely right
sweet, young, negative light
this world isn't fair
no one gets out alive
They say pain
isn't worth the pursuit of truth
decadent freedom
watch it slither away
woe is me
chained to the floor
woe is me
what i dream matters no more
blank stare into the pure
blank stare to the stars
blank little shining star
i am what you are
darling little child
who lives in the world of dreams
a true lost art
help me find the way to the easel
I will paint you a lullaby
I will paint you a story
I will paint you cut of at your knees
So the only thing you see
is all that you believe

Skipping stone Bones
Saturday, March 29, 2008 - 11:58 am

the shadowed forest
the vacant eye

The hopeful hand
I hold the mime

I keep the silence
a treasure
as time falls short
& seas dry low

I've come to accept
That i may never know

and through it all
the showers of pain
I'll send you my love
I'll roll dice
for the game
and when my turn
is skipped and hollow
I'll abandon the board
to allow what follows

skipping stone bones
skipping stone bones
Go on down to the shard shores
stones to slice the void
skipping stone bones
skipping stone bones

old age youth
Saturday, March 29, 2008 - 3:59 pm

I'm trying to find the words to describe your old age youth. Wisdom does not retire. but theres something I'm not saying to you. There's this awkward feeling that i might be alone with only the bones in my body. Them, naked beneath my skin and my upmost being trapped inside your lies of absolute perfection. O' the ease at which you hide. Maybe, perhaps, something went wrong with the way things were suppose to be. Have we hit the glitch? Are we ten to nothing on the scale of rott?
Who knows the anwser? Because i sure do not. I called the departments, now i call on your soul. The more i get to know him, the more i feel cold.
I mark the height of perfection next to the devil himself. Who stands no taller then some pretend to be. You hold no more "sin" then me myself and I, makes three.

besid the poem a thought if you will:
the 3 states of one being
me
myself
I
could someone please define
i think we're constantly mixing
torn, black and white souls to the ultimate decision
the final evolution



*~make a wish

Sunflower

Up must fall down to break
Friday, April 4, 2008 - 1:18 pm

Up must fall down to break
He has a very fragile heart
He wanders on tip toe
through the weeds of the
forgotten garden

A place who wants no
space in memory
How can a place be a who?

Because I love where I am
when I'm beside you

How can up fall down?
and into how many pieces?
I call upon the mess
I freeze under concept

Now i rest

Shut eyes, sleep
I paint all i want
in the waking of my dream.

you've heard of Lucid dreams?
Teach me Lucid life!

There's no need for shut eye
meek and mild
the sunflower seeds are pills

salted drugs
for a observant meal

the ravenous crowd
goes wild

Both of us
lost from the others
sight

Your absence:
a dripping
bite

The alcohol
stinging my insides
all i am
is an open wound

my mind is warped
Sunday, April 6, 2008 - 1:07 pm

and i'm falling asleep at my job.
wake up! (slaps face)
five more hours to go!!!
I went to a party last night and all through the morning, which is the reason for my sleep depervation. Had another engaging conversation with a stranger, and some one familar i know. And all i know is my mind was blown once again. No one is ever alone. I'd go in to deatail but my brain is still sorting out all the information, I feel like i'm dreaming right now. To be completely honest with you this site is trippin me out right now. Right now as i type this I'm typing to no one, but perhaps a couple of you might run your eyes across my new blog entry. Either for the hell of it or for a deep attempted understanding of the stranger behind the screen. Here is a brief summary of one of the many topics we got in to last night. Jesus and Lucifer came before god. God asked them how they would "run" earth and bring his "children" back to him. Lucifer said he would "force" every one to come back to god. Jesus said he'd give man free will to come to god on his own. But if at birth we were "binded" to one path, one ultimate destination, we'd have no knowledge of free choice. There cant be rebellion with out freedom of choice. So we'd all be perfect and in god's presence. Sometimes i feel religon puts on this show of perfection, that unless your some god or super hero, you cant obtain. With one way, you'd come to no forked paths...... maybe our biggest challenge is we are lost on a one way street..? I don't mean to sound satinist or any thing like that. I don't know, like i said, I'm still sorting all my thoughts out from the other night. so many sparks of fresh ideas. I guess you can say i have a mayhem of inspiration. I just can't wait untill 6 O' clock so i can rest my brain

i hope all of you are happy today



*~love

Best wishes

sunflowerdagger

Cheers To times !!!
Saturday, April 12, 2008 - 10:36 am

The closest way to fly
is to cut across the field

The fastest way to obtain your desires
is to kill kill kill
Fire!

wild eyes glued to the mirrors
wild woes
wild cries

Birds in the morning
sing a sweet tune
Owls at night
Because Little birds
don't sing to the moon

The fastest way
Hurried hearts
slow down
every one gets their part
we'd kill for the spotlight
we'd kill to be in love
show me the fastest way

I have nine lives
Now i'm in my tenth time living
something must be wrong

The Closest way to fly
its to cut across the fields
Run little boy,run
fly

All these selfish fish
all this vacant sea
one huge lot...for a guppy like me

swim on, sugarcane poison
hold on to the dust
gather spects like flowers
A bouquet of chains and rust

The Clock Strikes Eight
Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 7:56 pm

Boquets of flowers
to enrage the fire
Fragrant warmth
My guard a tower
satin smoke
dresses the child that shivers
silk tears to be sold
Tallied Cadavars
Engraved memories
buried hopes
I send the weeper
to the gate
I summon the reaper
to kill hate
Cursed thought
the expanding mind
what if we return
to the state of dust
we are stars
he is correct
cosmic mistakes?
Perhaps
but that doesn't mean
we aren't beautiful
we are the shimmer
in the skies eye

you are the shimmer in mine
a hotel with golden stairs
jeweled animals
desks of pure water
and fish
i walk outside the the grafiti
side walks
i run down the alley
i see a red fabric
i walk beside it
I feel like the rabbit
i've some where to be
late, so late
for a very important date
as im running...
i know the entire time
That i've already missed out
but i run faster
and my clock empties
on to the floor
Inside was poisonous
bread crumbs
I have the choice to retrace my steps and go back
But to where?
I ask the man in the top hat
(the same man who i've met on the high way
he once gave me a neckalace.
one glass tear
that contained all my saddness and fears
so i wear it around my neck
to not live it in my life)
He gave me the answer
"What is the Point?"
"you are where you are
and you know where it leads
right back here
to give the same question to me"
i glanced back at the trail
to the alley ahead
i was out of bread crumbs
my clock was dead
"where do i go when my time is up?"
What trail do i leave?
he said,
"why leave your self a trail?
Do you plan to retrace your steps?"
I realized the past is poison
I bowed
went to walk away
"wait, one more thing, my daughter
of dimes, Don't leave a trail, but leave your finger prints behind."
i walked and smiled on
Came again to the still waters
where i found peace
in the disturbances i caused
picking orchids
that were dripping with glittered dust.
I pick them for the fire
so they don't get the Stone angel's touch
Your late
so late
for a very important date
run and empty the poisonous
fillings of your clocks
who is who
to time true love
?

No need For a Title
Wednesday, April 23, 2008 - 8:49 pm

Two rooms
shards of glass
Lets take our hearts
and roll them to the wall

Silent nights
City streets
Lets sing one sound
There is no peace

There can be unity, but,
Can you outrun the ground?
Can you taste the destruction
of being thrown down
by a hero
Tossed aside
by a friend
Cut of
from a lover

Hold my hand till the end?

I stick by my alaby
Sedated by a lullaby
there is a waking state
Just fields, flowers,
endless towers to the skies

I am dark
I am wasted
Us, sprawled out on heavens hate

Them the same

I keep a watchful eye
with the person in the mirror
With cameras and pictures
a short, blood feud with reality
with technology
a feud with fear

we are the same
Pumpkin pistols
Pumpkin pistols
take fire
if you will
Seed ammo
plastic wood
what matters?
its still hollow
Pumpkin pistols
pumpkin dreams
Pumpkin pistols
pumpkin dreams

Hold my thoughts in your eyelids
rest &
put my hand in your heart
whispers to you
......


"I won't tear you apart."

The feeling Last night
Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 9:19 pm

carried through today
a standing kiss
of akward lust
took my breath away

Raise the sun and the moon
on a flag pole
sing your praise
get lost in the maze

snowing human bodies
ancestor ashes
ancestor pride

The web
The Children
The dolce lies

Regret
of wanting to let go
My feet still
in quicksand cement

Hold the cliff
as I fall

release the pleasure
for what its worth
I was numb
You were a seizer
You were a disease
Myself?
Infected

In a sense resurected
from the ashes I bathed in
The world is worn
torn
Re-born?

*~sunflower

MELLACROBS
Sunday, May 4, 2008 - 3:14 pm

I'VE HIDDEN THE LIE
UNDER MY WING
OF SILK FEATHERED WOE

FLEW TO THE HILLS
OF ENDANGERED HEIGHTS
WHERE ALL THE VILLAGERS DWELL

I SMOTHER FROM SECURITIES
OF WHERE NEXT TO GO

BABE, FACE IT
I JUST DON'T KNOW

SO WELL
ITS WELL
I'M NOT ENOUGH FOR HEAVEN
NOT ENOUGH FOR HELL
NOT ENOUGH FOR THIS WORLD

I REAP THE TREASURES
BUT SQUANDER THE PRIZE

I GIVE OUT LOVE
& THEN I HIDE

I PRAY OUT WORDS
INHALING HATE

I EAT THE KEY
TO THE LOCKED GATE

I WISH ON STARS
BUT DON'T BELIEVE

I KEEP SECRETS
BUT THEY SLIP OUT OF MY SLEEVES

SO WELL
ITS WELL
NOT ENOUGH FOR HEAVEN
NOT ENOUGH FOR HELL

BABE, FACE IT
I JUST DON'T KNOW

MELLACROBS IS WHERE THEY GO
DIVISION ON A ONE WAY STREET
MELLACROBS IS WHERE THEY LAY
THE CONNECTED LINK
OF THE SOUL TO YOUR FEET

I TALK
BUT FORGET TO LISTEN

I GRIEVE
AND THEN FORGET

I APOLOGIZE
AND SWING ANOTHER HIT

I DANCE
BUT MAKE NO SOUNDS

I KISS
WITH OUT LOVING

I HOLD HANDS
WHILE I'M SHOVING

I SMILE
WHILE THERE'S ANGER INSIDE

I SMILE INSIDE
AS I DEFACE

I AM MYSELF
PART OF THE HUMAN RACE

SO WELL
ITS WELL
BABE, FACE IT
I'M NOT ENOUGH FOR HEAVEN
NOT ENOUGH FOR HELL

TAKE ME DOWN
TO MELLACROBS ROAD
I'LL TAKE YOU TO
TAKE ME TO THE SKY
TAKE ME TO THE SEA
TELL ME WHERE WE MEET
?

if there was a way to the unknown?
Friday, May 9, 2008 - 8:48 pm

The absence of clouds
makes pictures to
two lovers in love
me & you
And maybe birds do sing
at night
The city streets
overpowering their song
Maybe their is stars
during the day
just overpowered by
the sun

So make it
Live it
Break down the walls
These stalls divide
our hearts
They begin to wither
cuddle next to life
and hold time dear
become unsupressed
by all the
fears

If there was a way
to the unknown
would you really go?

If there was a way
to live with out
love
would you lock it out?

past the seas
of uncertainties
out the splintered
windows
above the buried
tres
And really...
upmost sincere...

If there was an
answer to it all
would you really
want me to share?




love

sunflowerdagger

oh dear my
Thursday, May 15, 2008 - 8:04 pm

The world is getting high
sex waves goodbye to intellect
minds run dry
boxes full of white light

tended nature
ticketed forests
dead end trails
venture to the great divide

hypnotizing screens
above the baby's crib
winter weddings
of frost coated death

peeling the skin
of a petal fair
to insulate your cold skin
enter my mind
before my pussy

give the earth some time
to match the rotation of the sky
love has an attraction curse
love has a beautiful eye
love is tagged with a sufficent price
of maybes and whys and tries

Tangled in this mess
baby of the wires
baby of the trees
baby of thought
baby of the begining
What baby do we bear?

the future holds
fears
supressed sights
of midnight frights
baby baby baby
there is still good out there

cut out the beauty from the magazine of filth
paste them on your wall
an when the wolf start howling
know love is the strongest brick of all


a poem
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 7:02 pm

Blue skies in June
The seeds dwell in youth
Your the light lamp
I am the moth
Attracted: a fool
Worn wings of maybes

I've heard the wind
as your whisper
Watched the sunset
Like your resting eyes
Dropped from the gallows
In your soul
Felt the darkness
as your disguise

Cockeyed babies
laying out on the stone
five o' clock at eight
when is our similar
waking
or dreaming state?

The saddening promise
The frightening hope
There's no fear
Just blind sight
Built bridges outside
Let them crumble
As long as I'm
isolated with you

As you fade to the stars
We'll go side by side
Death is the only way
We'll ever part
The only way for forever
to start

:ahem: the blog is about to begin.
Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 5:00 pm

Aching: The memory of you subsides
Churning: The Hate is on the rise
Belated and out dated
Forgotten: up in smoke
Mounds of books
Cheap show and tell
Choke: This is no joke
The hunters are on the prowel
The Hunted become a feast
Scars grace your new brow
Your soul: the monkeys' chow
Stripped: Like a poor man
Binded: Like a sick man
You degrade my health
With lies and sighs
Absent wealth
Stealthy tip toe
The invisible man
Watching you from a far
Shooting you from a high
With a target on our face
We Tremble
We shake
Aching:
Churning:
Forgotten:
A Choke:
Laugh it off sweet pea
The angels have coped
Now cuddle in their wings.
With mockery
Misfired desire
Shoot at disaster instead
My heart misgives me
The living seem dead
So with definate proof I sorrow
With insecurities I bellow
Rage:
And save regret
for a unobtainable tomorrow.
Both Worlds Are Closed.



top hats off to the top of my head .. blah blah blah helps
Monday, June 9, 2008 - 9:33 pm

I stare down at the cement, drying, hardening around my feet. Almost as if in a trance. Like the couch dwellers, whose fat becomes but a cushion in the sofa. Step outside and feel the 80' degree breeze. Lay out after falling to your knees. I love children's smiles. But I only see them frown, Noah didn't save the dentures and now all the smiles will drown. Love isn't an excuse, some love a hamburger and fries. Some love the tube, that dishes out free salted lies. Admiration is such a belittling affair, braiding the devils thin, brittle hair. Lack of vocabulary, text message pride. Hiding deep in the chips of a cellular device. O' your waves, radioactive and fair, swarming the air. I guess we are all spread pretty thin. I call an eight hundred number and my energy hangs long distance. I am a telephone line, and quite the machine, I am a robot-human-being. When your it forever, you must keep both eyes closed and the third eye wide. Web time is high time, fine is the linen of your cloak, rough as bark that we skin from the trees. Your story cheesy as a corny joke, but entirely intriguing. You've got the whole world at the mercy of your barrel. Click Click Click. Just like the blink of an eye. If I was a fish, How would you catch me? If no bait aroused my crave of taste? Are we the fishes, or are we the sea men. Sailing off through waves, Poseidon, wake and calm the shores. Poseidon creep through the open doors. The confusion of perception, the perception of confusion. The confusion of the perception of confusion. On & on it goes. To all of the end. Dead dandelions give me wishes. I blow the seeds from the stem, on to the floor, plant rise, plants die, and wishes come more and more. They cancel each other out. The cords wrapped tightly around the roots, below the floor, into the rocks, far down to the core. The earth has an inner light. Why can't I.
You know our light is being consumed by a black tar called fright? One moment, to ponder a bit....No, I'm right. It might as well be out of our hands, no one wants to fight. You say a revolutions needed, Lets make a commercial and advertise SPRITE. Or How about coco puffs, or a cruise for two. Lets buy a good time, lets buy a meal, lets bargain a deal. Might as well sell your soul, because everything has a price, if all your going to do is get old. I Don't know the Boa well enough to ask if he wants to strangle you and hang you from the vine. But if it happens take a picture and show myspace photos of the good time. Popping eyes out of their sockets, to be sneaky and see what is coming from behind. Cruise control 100mph speed under the bridges. One by one they crumble, and by seconds you miss them fall. So ashamed, take me to the cliff so I can let go of the edge. Down into the fire flamed water. sprawled on the charcoal floor. The bitch comes out to spill her speech, "I am the black man, I am the white, I am the tan man, I am blue. Your No color at all so I'll be The pig queen of shit, mock and hang you. give you no breath, no reason to live." sad, sad, simply because she can. This bait will never lure me in. I Go to the Forest to lay in nature and cry. Its all for adrenaline, I'm not going to lie. Heart attack in a can, Cancer in a pack. Can you say population control. Is the prison hiring? FREE ROOM & BOARD, KILL FOR US, BE CONVICTED AND WE WILL SERVE YOU CAVIAR. WINK WINK, SECURITY SHRINKS....you will never escape as long as the atmosphere holds tight. Or you can purchase a used rocket from antique NASA.com
I'm serious, just a silly goose, who weaves flowers and grass, into a hefty, nifty noose.

You will expire
Friday, June 13, 2008 - 8:24 pm

So shall the sun
Sunflower Bullets
Daggers and Guns



ps.

Who doesn't want to be taken under the warmth of another's wing? art thou too good for wings of an angel? To conceded to be naked and wrapped in their warmth. If so, you will never feel flight. Angels disquised as demons. Demons disquised as angels.
You Don't know some one. Untill you search through out their soul.

...
Thursday, June 19, 2008 - 9:38 pm

I'am. Others are. The Earth is.

Walls
Friday, June 20, 2008 - 8:15 pm

Tonight he builds walls
And infects his sight
with blindness

Tonight he weeps
as he keeps secrets to himself
with silence

He paints himself
his own memory of the past
detailed abtraction
of truth
Drenched in moldy fibs
of sweet lethal lies

Tonight he swims
Rides the alligator north
towards the moons

A child cut on the scales
of tricked magic
Rehearsed in his isolated hell
He can make the world dissapear
But mirrors reveal
In the flesh he is still here
He can't say the same for his soul
Its lifted
warmed, and chilled to the bone

Tonight he flies
On the wings of starved birds
into the atmosphere

He swerves in his path
folded to the nerves of a laugh
Standing shivers
of fright
Sprinkled with toppings
of dissolving smiles

Tonight he misses the sun
as it falls behind the horizon
with sacrifice

Tonight he caught of glisten of hope
that slipped into the darkness
of his eyelids shut tight.


Lady Liberty
Thursday, June 26, 2008 - 9:27 pm

A promise from across the sea
Look above
She's drowning
Our freedom is gasping for air
A kiss underwater
A fight
fair and square
These words might be the death of me
The old souls whisper
Beware!
I'm a frantic freedom seeker
I'm the mime
lazy on the couch
I am devoured by life
Liberated by death

Puddle

Fvck all your shallowness
How am I to explore a puddle?
Introduce me to the ocean
Let me live inside your sea
Puddles of love
shower down
Pick the pieces
Up off the ground
Swim in to fire
Desires contained
To the hour glass
of time.

LEARN LOVE

The jaguar claw
protection of one
temples of deep waters
No one told me,
"babe, don't you dive in too soon."
so now I tell you
To learn love
My heart removed from my pinned sleeve
Placed in a cage
scard from the cat
That lurks in the darkness
Fighting with the light
I run out of his nightmares
Away from the terrors
Back into myself
Down into the caverns
of my hopless endeavor



WHAT AM I?

What am I?
Not who,
I only keep you alive
To watch you suffer
Pleasure for my pain

Life is full of rivalry
and consists of constant games

Saying hello,
with departures in mind

Warming by the fire
To chill my soul
Theres a boulder in my stomach
Weighing on my nerves
Queens of affection
Kings of assasination
Prince of chivalry
Princess of the skies

The holes in which
You lay out your lives
I am only here
to destroy you
Only here to retain
take take take
I'm the man, I'm the snake

THE SERIES

If its any consolation
to your bare conscience
The trick of time is fair
Feelings indigenous to robots
Sometimes the sun
Sometimes the moon
Depends on the hour of day
Depends on the song
I sit and hope for
Spontaneous combustion
Underashes will I fall
crawling into nirvana
Like a leech
clung tight to the past
squeezing out any life
Like a child to a bear
The hero who pulled out my hair.



TO JUST KEEP

I wither in June
Just to wait for July
Says the voice muffled inside
I wait for you
Longing, craving
one day here
the next you dissappear
are you really all I've
convinced myself to believe?
Or have I wrapped my heart
around my eyes
Bloody blindfold
burning my sights
I am running
Toward you?
I can't be sure
Further I fell far away
Closer I'll stay
I am falling faster
riding the air?
Doesn't pass as flying
The harder I hit the ground
The softer you'll pick me up
Can't we make a true promise
just this once
One that doesn't fade with parting?
To just keep you with me
is a dream.

...
Friday, July 25, 2008 - 6:41 pm

wows....
i just like the music.
simple enough?

Tides
Wednesday, August 13, 2008 - 3:53 pm

There is life inside men and women.
Frozen babes.
We are born of a puzzle.
Into one as well.
Death brings us all together.

Ride the lies

Your an element, as am I.
With the earth,
We create the starry sky.
We are small, but endless.
Good men, bad...
all with a soul...

Ride the Tides

we collect unessacary debts.
to claim possesion and pride.
But we've created this.
so now its the only way we survive.


Ride the Tides

Wash your self down the drain.
swim back up.
save your self from drowing.
no one else can.
because if their smart
they'll save themselves.

Ride the Lies



Infinate

Fly with me
Far into the depths of infinity
Drape your secrets over my world
Let your burdens grace the walls of my soul
Your skin against mine
Love's touch divine
Come to forever with me
Ever ever is waiting
I'm alone, but never lonely
I'll wait for you to get here.
Could you hurry?
I'm yearning for the affection
that goes beyond touch.
Devotion.
Unconditional emotion.
I want Love.

Poems & Chapter1 to "The Impersonal Life"
Monday, August 25, 2008 - 7:06 am

(1)

LISTEN TO THE QUIET

YESTERDAY, YOU AND I TRAVELED TOGETHER ON A VOYAGE THROUGH TIME.
AND SHARED IN THE CREATION OF ONE MIND FROM TWO
FOR ONE BRIEF MOMENT WE LIVED
AND UNDERSTOOD WHY OUR HEARTS, BOUND TOGETHER AS ONE
NOT BY CHAINS BUT BY LOVE
HOW MUCH WE BOTH HAVE LEARNED

AS WE LISTENED TO THE QUIET.



(2)

WARMTH IS NOT FARTHEREST AWAY ON WINTER DAYS
BECAUSE EVEN SUMMER DAYS CAN BE COLD
WINTER IS ONLY AN EMOTIONAL SEASON CALLED LONELINESS
IF I HAD ONE WISH
I'D WISH THAT THE WARMTH OF MY THOUGHTS WOULD MAKE FOR YOU A SUMMER DAY


(3)
smiling is someones way of making warm music
quietness is found with a symphony of smiles and tears
a thoughful concert
-warm-
and free of charge


(4)
ODESSA FLIES ON WINGS OF UNSPOKEN WORDS
TO SECRET PLACES IN MOUNTAINS FILLED WITH GOLDEN SUMMERS
TRAVELLING LIKE THE WIND ON FEATHERED CHARIOTS
OR SILKEN MOONS THAT STEAL ACROSS THE SILENT NIGHT
SHE CARRIES THE MYSTERY OF WINDING RIVERS
AND DIAMOND LAKES ON DISTANT STARS
ODESSA COMES SOFTLY BUT STAYS FOREVER
TO SHARE THE LOVE OF HER AGELESS TIME
AND SPEAK THE MUSIC THAT STRIKES THE CHORDS OF TRUTH
IN ALL THE HEARTS OF ALL THE SOULS
ODESSA WITH EYES THAT SHINE OF FIRE
THAT SEE PAST THE GUIDANCE OF MAN'S MINDS
TO VIEW THE WORLD IN LOVE
AND COMPASSION FOR THE BLINDNESS OF HER BROTHER
ODESSA COMES IN THE BLOOMING OF EARLY AGING APPLE ORCHARDS
OR IN THE DARKNESS OF MORNING WALKS ON GLISTENING BEACHES
SHE SINGS IN SILENCE
HER SOULS' SWEET SONG
AND IN THE SILENCE OF THIS UNFORGOTTEN MOMENT
BETWEEN THE CRASING OF WAVES AND FLIKERING CANDLES OF THIS WORLD
LISTEN- TO THE VOICE OF THAT HEAVENLY KIND
THAT SINGS FROM THE HEART OF ODESSA





THE IMPERSONAL LIFE

To you who read, I speak.

To you, who, through long years and much running to and fro, have been eagerly seeking, in books and teachings, in philosophy and religion, for you know not what ---Truth, Happiness, Freedom, God;

To you whose Soul is weary and discouraged and almost destitute of hope;

To you, who many times have obtained a glimpse of that "Truth" only to find, when you followed and tried to reach it, that it disappeared in the beyond, and was but the mirage of the desert;

To you, who thought you had found it in some great teacher, who was perhaps the acknowledged head of some Society, Fraternity or Religion, and who appeared to you to be a "Master," so marvelous was the wisdom he taught and the works he performed; -- only to awaken later to the realization that that "Master" was but a human personality, with faults and weaknesses, and secret sins, the same as you, even though that personality may have been a channel through which were voiced many beautiful teachings, which seemed to you the highest "Truth;"

And here you are, Soul aweary and enhungered, and not knowing where to turn ---

To you, I AM come.

Likewise to you, who have begun to feel the presence of that "Truth" within your Soul, and seek the confirmation of that which of late has been vaguely struggling for living expression within;

Yes, to all you who hunger for the true "Bread of Life," I AM come.

Are you ready to partake?

If so, then arouse yourself. Sit up. Still your human mind and follow closely My Word herein spoken. Or you will turn away disappointed once more, with the aching hunger still in your heart.

I!

Who am I? ---

I, Who speak with such seeming knowledge and authority?

Listen!

I AM You, that part of you who IS and KNOWS;

WHO KNOWS ALL THINGS,

And always knew, and always was.

Yes, I AM You, Your SELF; that part of you who says I AM and is I AM;

That transcendent, innermost part of you which quickens within as you read, which responds to this My Word, which perceives Its Truth, which recognizes all Truth and discards all error wherever found. Not that part which has been feeding on error all these years.

For I AM your real Teacher, the only real one you will ever know, and the only MASTER;

I, your Divine SELF.

I, the I AM of you, bring to you this My Message, My living Word, as I have brought to you everything in life, be it book or "Master" to teach you that I and I alone, your own True Self, AM The Teacher for you, the only Teacher and the only God, Who is and always has been providing you not only with the Bread and Wine of Life, but with all things needed for your physical, mental and spiritual growth and sustenance.

Therefore that which appeals to YOU, as you read, is MY Message, spoken to your outer human consciousness from within, and is but a confirmation of that which the I AM of you always knew within, but had not yet translated in definite, tangible terms to your outer consciousness.

Likewise, all that ever appealed to You, coming from some outward expression, was but the confirmation of My Word already spoken within. The outward expression was the avenue or means I chose at the time through which to reach and impress your human or self consciousness.

I AM not your human mind, nor its child, the intellect. They are but the expression of your Being, as you are the expression of My Being; they are but phases of your human personality, as You are a phase of My Divine Impersonality.

Weigh and study carefully these words.

Rise up and free yourself now and for always from the domination of your personality, with its self-inflated and self-glorifying mind and intellect.

For your mind henceforth must be Your servant, and the intellect Your slave, if My Word is to penetrate to your Soul consciousness.

I AM come now to your Soul consciousness, which I have quickened expressly in preparation for the reception of My Word.

Now, if you are strong enough to bear it;

If you can put aside all your private personal fancies, beliefs and opinions, which are but the rubbish you have gathered from the dumping grounds of others;

If you are strong enough to cast them all away; --

Then My Word will be to you a source of endless Joy and Blessing.

Be prepared to have this personality of yours doubt My Word as you read It all along the way;

For its very life is threatened, and it knows it cannot live and thrive and longer dominate your thinking, your feelings, your going and coming, as of old, -- if you take My Word into your heart and permit It there to abide.

Yes, I AM come to you now,

To make you conscious of My Presence;

For I have likewise prepared your human mind so that it can, in a measure, comprehend the meaning of Me.

I have been with you always, but you did not know it.

I have purposely led you through the Wilderness of books and teaching, of religions and philosophies, keeping ever before your Soul's eye the vision of the Promised Land; feeding you with the manna of the Desert, that you might remember and value and long for the Bread of the Spirit.

Now I have brought you to the river Jordan that separates you from your Divine heritage.

Now the time has come for you consciously to know Me; the time has come for you to cross over into Canaan, the land of Milk and Honey.

Are you ready?

Do you want to go?

Then follow this My Word, which is the Ark of My Covenant, and you shall go over dry shod.


xoxoxo
love

sunflowerdagger

When orange Dragonflies swim.
Monday, September 1, 2008 - 12:35 pm

Wandered through the woods
Picking sage
The heavens sprinkled tears
and I felt age
Listen to the silence of the stones
The river bed of drought
Desolate
like the love in me
And I swam with the dragonflies
waded into the depths of your eyes
Will you wash all your sin in me?
Will you let me be the dream catcher
to all your fears?
I'm starting to believe
But all the blood from my past
is smeared on my walls
Pictures of mistakes
engraved
permanent
Not one hand to wave me goodbye
Not one
to kiss away the reasons I lie.
A constructed reality
makes all thats unreal: definate.
This is how I decieve my heart.
This is how I linger.
Constant lipstick stained sleeves
Dancing in the crowd.
fvck with me.
I feel my bones crack
and my muscles tighten.
All I have for wings
is flowers.


I play the tune anew for you
Sunday, September 14, 2008 - 1:29 pm

And all your butterfly friends
I'm starved and its the fullest I've ever been
You hold me
Like the flame clings to the wick.
I'm with you and its the loneliest I've ever felt
Hung dry, from the belt of the ego
I find comfort in the cold
I mix in fine with the unknown.
So neatly, we are tucked in our cribs.
We could walk on pillows.
But we instead place them tightly around our heads.


Promises
Sunday, September 21, 2008 - 9:54 am

Like static on the screen
Noisey pests swarm through instruments
Your prideful bossom, puffed and strong
A clement Jester
teases the black dove
Solitude is just like living in your head
Carry off the blast
Carry off the explosion
Life's going to take a long time
Death will take even longer
Betrayed by all these promises
Lay on the stone
Like the skeleton your are
There's no stopping it. . .
just let go.

Sunday, September 28, 2008 - 8:41 am






The new smashing pumpkins DvD!!!!!
IF ALL GOES WRONG

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=43891429

a little preview.

so stoked
If all goes wrong, I keep on.





One year ago to day.
the sky changed
and i could taste autumn in the air
as i do know
as i ride the train through the canyon
as i ride the tracks
to mankinds only perfection.
I will never look back.
My heart will never be with a home.
But there will alwasy be a warm home in my heart.

best wishes

today

xoxoxo

Chrystal




VLog
Thursday, October 2, 2008 - 12:32 pm




10.04.08

Something interesting about my names. Just a stellar coincedence.

C-chrystal
H-heywood
A-arce'
O-ott
S-Solano

Nice to meet you, I'm CHAOS.

Thats my first name and all my grandparents last names.
My lovely father was telling me how Arce' means "man who dwells by the lone tree" Solano, means the sun years.
I understand my constant burning fire of desired solitude.
Alone completly but filled with so much love from myself and the people place in my life's path. So far anyways. I don't want to jinx anything quite yet.

thought I'd share that peace of me.

xoxox


Serenaded by robots

I couldn't walk with him in the rain
sparks would ignite
the bomb that fuses from our heads
The countdown begins
This moment, that is Creeping
When this moment comes
You'll feel the surrender
Dumb and in love with no one
but yourself
And because of that: everyone
When the blades you use to shape your excuses, run dull
you run knives across your lips
a first kiss with your soul
Secrets seaping from every pore
When nothing matters
everything means so much more
Posionous wine
vineyards at dusk
I ran with you in my dreams
We laughed and laughed.
I'm a ball of yarn
Coming undone
tossed around
Serenaded by robots.

Secrets in The Rain

The side walks are glazed in rain
I'm strolling on mirrors
With no reflection
Only in broken shards
Do you appear
I swim through pools
of chipped glass to find you
Only to feel your body
dissapear
If rain drops
could whisper
What would they say
"Babe there is no sun today.
And darling it won't rise tomorrow
But you can have it
anytime you dream
Everytime you close your eyes
Inside your lovers smile."

And then there was ONE.
Saturday, October 11, 2008 - 9:26 am

I care about the musicans creating. What they were is only important because it once was. Their feeding new material and some fans are being selfish and not opening their minds to the beauty of creation, the beauty of something new. As if they are trying to muzzle the pumpkins.


The one who whispers
is seldomly heard
The one who hides
is never seen
The one who kills
kills a bit of himself
The one who counts time
Wastes it
The one who does not love
becomes sour
The one who judges
should judge himself more
The one who reads this
will meet the floor.


LET me ENTER your MIND
so I can PAINT the DILLUSIONS

will YOU bury THE autumn LEAVES?
or STAPLE them BACK on THE tree?

(i copy and paste this from my phone)

TIME is TIMELESS
tear DOWN the WALL of "REALITY"
that DIVIDES us
TEAR it DOWN with ALL of YOUR dreams.
DANCE to MY elegant SMOKE
we HAVE nothing TO give THE spiders
BUT love
UNFORTUNATLEY that IS not WHAT they WANT.

is love not what thy want?
aren't thou nothing but a spider to?

..........


There IS over 99,999 ways TO kiss SOMEONE.

..........


I'm leaving Monday morning. I'm going to San Fran. So I will message you all when I get back in a week.

..........

Today I've been on edge. I'm hoping its nothing but caffeine withdrawls. Maybe its the snow this morning. Maybe its the chill in the air that has me so flustered. I think it was the dream I had last night. It didn't feel like a dream, and I woke to waking life. Alone. Without him. If your reading this, What is something that will calm me?
Do not say caffiene, I'm working on that. Do not say tranqulizers. I think I just want to ramble. Life can be quite the tranqulizer, I feel like a paralyzed mime sometimes. One time there was this nest a bird had built on my back porch. Three little baby birds. Every so often I'd see the mama bird bring food and fly to her babes. I noticed a couple months later, the baby birds died. They were left in the next with no food. Something must of happened to the caretaker bird, obviously. I think its a good thing to let someone take care of you. (not too much) But at times we all are helpless little birds and this world is nothing but our nest, and when your not able to fly, let someone else feed your mind. I guess we all have times when we are the ones tending the nest to. Give:Take:Serve. I was cooking some lunch and the wind against the window in my kitchen sounded like an opera singer. And NO!! I'm not stoned. lol. Ah!!! this blank feeling inside me is killing me. I don't want to call or see anyone either. I'm a hermit sometimes. I just can't think of anybody. Not even the pumpkins, that would make good company. The recent graduates, and current high school student will agree that when there was/is nothing to do, you find yourself in a car of friends driving around your town. Blasting music. Buying food. Taking pictures with merchandise at the local Wal*Mart. Or just taking myspace pics in general. Blowing kisses to the camera. I guess its cool. Right? Smoking weed. Drinking booze as you vomit and pass out on your friends couch. I look back and realize the waste of time that was wasted. Nothing in those "cute" photographs is rooted deeply enough in me to mean anything. I feel like a lot of my youth was a cheap rip off, of a commercial. And some say technology and its advancement doesn't effect our lives. Again for that statement. I laugh in your face. lol. I wish I could lite up a fag in my office. lol. I'd get fired. I want to go back to bed so I can wake up to my dream. I want to be there. United States is my ringtone. The chorus when he sings "Revolution!" I sometimes hear that first note in the noise of chaos around me so I grab my phone, assuming that I'm recieving a call. I flip it open only to find my screen saver. I think to myself that I'm crazy, that I'm hearing thing, then about 10 seconds from looking at my phone, I get a call. lol. Its like my brain is a part of my cell phone now. Makes me feel like a robot. Gives me a headache. I really like United States. Its a great song. I once played it on repeat for 3 hours while I painted my Maitote' picture. Hippies "Tripped" to Hendrix, the seeds, "Beatles." All that groovy wonderfulness. I've tripped to Machina and Zeitgeist. Insane. Thats all I've to say. My the times have changed. If you read this, thank you. lol.

.........

....
Monday, October 13, 2008 - 7:57 pm

My heart is bursting with excitment.
Novemeber 29th * * * * * V.I.P



Now, I count down the days.


.....

A poem to deaden the hours

I inhale a crying breath
In total darkness I reach for the hand that is in the infinite blackness
tis' cold but together our hands become warm
Sadness
Static
Chaos and chimes
wrapped in fine vines
from the vineyards
sipping wines
Children under the side walks
Knowledgeable treasures
That wither away due to
inconsistency
Relics due to fossilized time
What is it in you that...
lies?
hides?
That can't decided to extinguish the flame
that lights up the world of misconceptions
Society, and the sovereignty for which its stands
one nation under "one"
one nation under "god"

One god within "one"
One god under the nation

The roots will flood the land

........





Arrivederci'
I'm off to San Fran.


Can you just. . .
Friday, October 24, 2008 - 1:27 pm

Open your lil eyes
Open them and stare wide
There is blindness you will never be able to control
The blindness of the constant unknown
Diddle I die
Diddle I died

....

G.L.O.W is an agressive song. It invokes saddness in me. I have no problem with its repeative nature. When I was driving through Nevada it came on the RADIO and I turned the volume all the way up. It was amazing to hear a new song from a band that has been around for so long, on the radio. Let the lyrics repeat themselves, some cries need to be that way. G.L.O.W is an Adrenaline, in the form of a song. A Nicotine high.

....

So thats the distance of the starry sky
Roses aren't the same without thorns
Nobody can try
The alarm rings in the morning
Blending in with the backround noise of my dreams.

....

Falling from you.


I got diverted

After flying for so long

Birds hit the ground

They sing their last song

What could make it the same

The sea is never consistant

The waves always change

Send me off like a ship

Shipwrecked on the stones near the shore

Lead me

Like a prisoner into his cell

I've turned inside my being

To hide from you

In the shadows of my own reflection

In the shade of the trees

You, a marble statue

In the muesum of my memory

Cold and still

With chips on your identity

Who are you again?

I let the cigarette burn down

Scorching my blistered relic lips

A cigarette kiss

I let the smoke swarm my lungs

You, a voodoo doll

pins in your eyes

Can you see me now?

Now that your blind?

I got diverted

for flying for so long

Felt so good to hit the ground

Felt so good to fall away,

from you.


I'll message soon

love

xoxo



I woke to fog, crowding my lonliness
Dodged the snowflakes
to follow a sweet song
Like a fool I whispered spells
and lullabies
As I ventured on the pavement
All in black in white
But I could see the flesh tones
on peoples faces
"Will you sell me a soul?"
They asked me, as their bones shivered beneath their thin, paper like skin.
The world seems like a pop up book
So 2D and unreal
Where are the values?
Where is the soul?
Disney was the myths I was raised with.
There is not much else I know.
I lived inside the tv
Like I was a machine
but I am Human
I do not charge on a socket
I do not turn off
When you get sick of my cries
I will not heal from any prescriptions
If this is the order
I will not abide.


11/07/08

Is there a symbolic nature to coincidence?
Or am I ill, with kotov syndrome?
I can find you in the stars
But I loose you in these city lights.
I'm jaded
& I forgot the reason I took a stand to fight.
I'm in a white room
dripping with black doom
Love: a game serpents play
Every night
I wish it all away
Every morning
I wish it all back
Dwelling in shit
That I really control
I thrive in the depths
of the unknown
Blindly flying like the moth
Moonlight my only salvation
The father-The mind
The son-The body
& The holy ghost-The soul.

xx

Afection is worthless with out the mind to back it up.
Like time, it fades.

To day I Break open My head
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 - 1:22 pm

Dive in.

I am really really tired
and oh so
..oh my
I love you
I am truly sorry
my soul sayz not to
Killings
of lost causes
Lost laughter
confusion in the noises
Praise to soon fall short
Contention, as the force marches
try and make sense of this riddle
I cannot
I'm drunk
I'm lost
The answers are all that I have forgot
I'm breaking down time
to solve the mystery of life
double think brings me to new dead ends
ribbons frilly and pink
the party to recieve a child
A baby
Showered with presents
Though it's memory has not begun to think
These priceless causes
False securities and pride
Blankets covering the holes
in our tattered void full lives
A tornado of Bats
Encircle the spider
that feast on your face
Injecting venom of bodily desires.
Seizure away all the pain
Live for tomorrow
Die for today
One split second
and you'll recieve your wings of flames.
I saw an old man riding a shopping cart today
Reminded me of a little child
racing through the parking lot
He didn't have a care in the world
so why should I?
Why should you?
Nothing passes, it all stays
Stored tight
tucked away.
If I'm dealt shitty cards
I will not play
these words are a direct result of the caffiene scattered brain.
I'm all over the place.
Every where at once and yet so far from it all.
007, James Bond one day will fall.
Hermetic
I will dwell by the lone tree.
No one, just the meadow
as fine company.
The sun years are getting dark
or maybe we all are closing our eyes.
I know I am hiding
inside stories
inside lies
inside
Just inside.
There is nothing else to say
Just a million words stashed away.
Ordering up in a single file line
A speech spill
or nonsense spit
Just harness the foolishness
into something great
Like a horse without a saddle
A white unicorn chasing a red cape.
Boredum
White walls and bullentin boards
Get me out of here
Get me out of him
Drunk love
he is nothing but drunk love
I take a vacation to the hell
held in my soul
Neighbors of heaven
Contracts: We've all been sold
scams and flamming spams
Fvck you!
I just listen to the tunes
Love you!
Like ceral loves its spoon.
Hate you!
Because sometimes I hate myself
For you!
Thats all I care about
Kill you!
I kill myself
Want you!
because I want nothing else
Remember you!
Even if you forget me.
Drive away, slip happy pills to me.
Impress you? I don't even try to impress myself.
I'm just in search for anything else.
Anything at all.
Something that never been done or heard about.
How do you combine mysticism
with the state of reality?
Oh my god, I'm spazing out....

I'll write a real poem soon.
I can't focus on any thing today!!!!


excuse me while I piece together my brain.


lmao

sunflower

I know
Thursday, December 4, 2008 - 3:04 pm

I promised a blog about the 29th but I just can't find intrest in writing it. lol
so soon. I promise. Soon.

ow ti la dee
boo boop dee da
ga ge el la dee la la dee dee

beep beep beep

robot flower

Mother nature pulls a blanket of snow over the land
Crushes me in her over worked
Dying hand
The mind has the power
Love lost
in the memory of the lucky ones
thick glass between us
let it carve into my sin
So I may be a sculpture of perfection
Sand graces my eternal eyes
a prayer to the kings and queens
of blistered despair
I will love only one


Enough said.


Screams fill the night air
angst in your face
your worries your only care
but what about the fool
in the basket?
He lurks in the depths of hell.
Counting the sand grains beneathe his finger nailz.

Armor protects your feeble ego
stops the swords from breaking skin
What is it darling
that sheilds your soul within?
The cob webs on your lashes.
Or is it the ashes from your burnt heart.
That blinds the enemy?

Darkness devours the light
Some how...
unknown to the crowd,
hidden from the masses
from you, comes this brillant light.
Perishing untill the dim get a little brighter.
when they square themselves with their inner eclipse

Ravenous for any wisdom
that turns the path
back towards the unadulterated avalon.


Enough said.
Sunday, December 7, 2008 - 8:24 pm

Screams fill the night air
angst in your face
your worries your only care
but what about the fool
in the basket?
He lurks in the depths of hell.
Counting the sand grains beneathe his finger nailz.

Armor protects your feeble ego
stops the swords from breaking skin
What is it darling
that sheilds your soul within?
The cob webs on your lashes.
Or is it the ashes from your burnt heart.
That blinds the enemy?

Darkness devours the light
Some how...
unknown to the crowd,
hidden from the masses
from you, comes this brillant light.
Perishing untill the dim get a little brighter.
when they square themselves with their inner eclipse

Ravenous for any wisdom
that turns the path
back towards the unadulterated avalon


I will love only one.

...(silence)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 - 9:11 pm

UTEROPIA


FEEBLE I AM SAFE IN THE WOMB
BIRTH A TRANSPARENT BOMB
BURNING THROUGH ME
BUT I’D RATHER LIVE THROUGH YOU

AS A VIRGIN VINDICATES ALL LIGHT
I JUSTIFY THE SHADOWS IN THIS LIFE

CUTTING THE CHORD OF MY COMFORT
AS I SHUT MYSELF OUT OF LOVE
I WILL RETORT WITH
THE WORLDS RESONING

TELL ME IT WILL BE THE SAME
TELL ME I CAN REWIND
TAKE ME BACK TO
UTOPIA
WHERE THE INNOCENCE
IS LEFT UNFEIGNED

DEATH TO THE MACHINE
BIRTH TO THE DAWNING

THE PILLS KEEP ME WARM
NOURISHMENT FROM
THE STATIC TUNES

TELL ME I CAN BELIEVE IN YOU
BORN INTO LIGHT
REBORN INTO DARKNESS
DEATH’S SECOND
STRATTLES THE TWO

IN BIRTH WE LEAVE THE NEST
TO FLY TO A NEW SANTCUARY
ONE I DECLARE INSIDE YOU

TELL ME IT WILL BE THE SAME
TELL ME I CAN REWIND
TAKE ME BACK TO
UTOPIA
WHERE THE INNOCENCE
IS LEFT UNFEIGNED

Nothing as sweet as
a new borns scream
their tears
cleaner than the rain.




I'm a torn old soul
With no place to go.
Forgotten baby of the times.
I'm happy, but o' so cold.
Full of wonder, but terribly confused.
The Pisces in me.
The water bearer.
The headache I have for a mind.
Pure terror and havoc with in my self.
The walls inside enclose hunger.
A Sanctuary, where I hide.
A hell where I starve.
I’m a frantic mime.
Emotion stole my voice.
With every choice I’m watched.
By the treacherous, metal vulture.
Who will feed at any time.
I’m lost.
I’m in love.
My memory is blank.
The people around me are zombies.
I cry out for them to awake.
As for now, I am dirt.
I am the filth in the streets.
I hold a heavy heart in my chest.
My waking state won’t show.
But it is throbbing and Thriving
Only death will let it go.