Only With Love

Fancy Space People (first two releases!)

2010-08-09T23:39:00.001-07:00

<a href="http://fancyspacepeople.bandcamp.com/track/pleiadian-youth">Pleiadian Youth by Fancy Space People</a>

Dear "Macko"

2010-06-24T02:35:00.000-07:00

Perhaps your mind reading energy gifts have already told you, but your presence means the world to me.

Thank you.
For your poems. For your insight. Your faith. Your sense of humor.

You always have a very special place in my heart.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo (x's 999)

SunflowerDagger

formspring.me

2010-02-14T20:55:00.001-08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Sunflowerdagger

3

2010-01-29T13:29:00.000-08:00

Set up a room with empty chairs
Stapled to the beat
A hot pink mess
Offering a discount into your heart

Towered in fame
The light will never cast a shadow
The admission is quite fair
Heaven in and through out the garden you tend

Glass beaded rain
Shattering down
A rainbow cast o'er a charred earth

...And the angels harmonize
To secure our promise
Your heart is in place
Spining like a carousel
to your every action

In the suns rays
O'er the ocean I flew
I saw the evolution
I felt the revolver shoot

The heart Knows no price!
Only Sacrifice.

...to be continued

Be Not.

2010-01-09T17:38:00.000-08:00

Be not frantic
Take your time
Even if the cosmic clock
Feels like its weighing your every effort down

In time
In time

Your life is unfolding just as it must
In time little one

In time

I am a baby.
Born into the deep sleep of the hollow man.
The deep slumber of Instant gratification.

Be still my heart whispers.
Be still.

Smile. Make life Light.

For no reason should anything
Even your trials sink you to the depths of failure.

There is No such thing!

The true death comes from fearing the source.
Not when our bodies shut down.

Love thy neighbor as you love thy self.

Party each day but keep rest.

I don't give a fuck what they say.
I'm going to elevate my being.

I don't give a fuck what they expect.
I only expect to love daily.

I give a fuck about what you think
But I don't want to show it.

I know love cannot seperate
Who cares really if any one else knows it.

I send you to face the dessert.

Know my love for you is here resting unconditionally.

Say to yourself....

2010-01-02T19:28:00.000-08:00

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" ... every day. Because the minute you wake, you are given the pen. With that utensil you are empowered to write whatever reality you choose.

You have a vision.
You have this dream you see, every time you close your eyes.
Its your wish for yourself. For this world.

Your EGO pops in for a visit. He uses emotion to turn your world up side down. Sometimes you give in to him. Sometimes you fall. That is part of being you. Accept your faults. Forgive yourself.

..& When you can come to terms with yourself, you will realize your "EGO" is a huge waste of time.

Follow your heart. Create whatever it is you call "ART"
Believe in god, but decide what "GOD" means to you.

Don't follow organized religion. For Organized religion is a SINGLE perception of "one man," who sits on a selfish throne of POWER.

Surrender to light.
In that you will gain INDIVIDUATION.

XOXO
XX
sfd

A baby named Nouvelle année

2009-12-31T12:17:00.000-08:00

"At this hour a baby is born,
To grow from innocent soil.
To harvest dreams that once layed lost
yearning for the lights arrival.
"The powers within in you,"
whispers Father time.
As he mends the broken clocks.
Though backwards they are ticking
Forward through time,
they are just beginning.
A fresh count of the ticks & tocks"
*~SFD ©2009

Good bye 2009. You weren't just a year you were a chapter in my life.
Good morning 2010! I'm ready for this chapter to begin.
I'm frightened but so excited. Starting a new year is like gazing into the sky. You never really now whats out there, or whats coming. Things are happening just as they should. I put my faith in the year. To bring fortune to me that I can share with all of you. Let love/light be that treasure. This year my resolutions are secret. & will be something I work for on a daily basis. I hope truly you recieve whatever it is your heart desires to work for. You can have it all!

You can do nothing but make this Sunflower proud.
I am an Aquarius, well in love with you.

I can see the fireworks in your eyes. I hope this year explodes into your soul with flames of happiness and hope.

You deserve to be loved.
You deserve to love.
How privleged we are to be here on Mother Earth at this time.

Cheers! Let the 2010 begin Rockin'!!!

xoxo
xx

Take Matrimony

2009-12-30T13:22:00.000-08:00

Hark! The herald havoc sings
Myself to sleep
Lead my army to harmony
& still i dream of castles and fields
Cross the bridge to the ancient lake,
The mother comes warning

Down through the valley of desolation
the vulture leads us to the oasis of time

Lord of God
Take my heart
My hand
& Faith
Let them serve you
Lead me to the fiery estate of Satan's chamber
I will make peace with the demons in me

For all, even the shadows
is the light in me

In death I do wed the stars
In death we never part

Take the love in me
I wed thee to this light
I wed the to the waves of the eternal sea

Disconnected monster.

2009-12-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

Flowing like a river
Rising like the dawn
I have found the babe wrapped in the world's sin

Overflowing.
Emotions lead me to a virginal, vigilant state of mind

For reasons that need not be defined
I linger in the saddest shadows
Survived, Thanks owed, only to the light in your heart
The light in mine

Challenged.
I walk through the maze
Downing every daze that someone throws my way.

They then call me crazy.
They give me drugs over the counter and I take them.

Bow down!
Bow down!?

No! I won't.

The sky is like this mirror
There, constantly, dwells our reflection

The ground gets further and further
away from our true soaring purpose
that lays slaughtered in a field of purple flowers

Lethargic.
The will dissapears into oblivion
Only to encourage us to get up and go

Words always find a way to fall short of what you want them to say.

I think not.
Can I be myself with out ridicule?

Perhaps.
Aren't we all the same?

No.
Is there a wall that divides us all?

Searching for the answer that exsisted before the question was made.

I stand as tall as I can.
Low enough to see the tourment, we tortue ourselves with.

Disconnected monsters.

Stop the war before it has a chance to begin.

Warriors in an advanced state.

PeaceMakers be sure your peace gets made.

Turn the switch of insecurity
Illuminate your true priority

Look for the mordancy in their promises.

The snake eyes overpowering virtue.

Wake up.

Taste the stars.
Bring them inside yourself.

Dancing Dead Heads.

2009-12-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

People are always offering me acid. I'm not sure I like those drugs that make you trip, trip, TRIP. My experiances with psychedelic drugs haven't always been the best. At the same time they haven't always been the worst. Sometimes the visuals I get are quite spectacular. Then the problem is, after flying so high it is reality that disturbs me.

My experiances in nature both sober and "High" has saved my life. Realizing that you are never divided from earth and the spirit, is life changing. & I can't forget to mention the blessing of technology.

But why do hallucinogens?

Are we trying to force our minds to expand? Do we feel like its the only way to venture into the great unknown?
Or are we wishing to escape?

I'm not condoning drug use. I just wish I could live in the world my heart sees. Where you can see the forest breathing. Where the sun kisses you, even while you sit in the shade. Where you walk with exotic animals, & your favorite music is always playing.

I believe in the magic of this earth & the cosmos.
I'm working on making it a reality not a prescription.

;)

Thats the one thing I love about this fucking life. Is that you really have the ability to be YOU. And that YOU is beautiful.

So don't lick the stamp, unless you really feel the need to.

xoxo

Cant you see me when I hide?

2009-12-26T22:25:00.000-08:00

Come inside the cave
Lets get lost together
O' what fun we'll have
Always by side by side
At different times of never & always tonight

Outshine
Outdim

OUTRUN!

The cliff has rocky walls
I'll catch you when you fall

Desolated in your soul
I think I can find my way
In the dessert your heart calls home

The dessert that,
Quenching my exsistance,
Hushes my fears

The dessert that makes the ocean look dry
& the water feel sandy

A BROKEN PARADOX!

....fuck.

....Love.

....Revolution.

....Heaven.

....Ah, __, Me, ___, ME, Om, __,Om.

Fill in the blanks the song is over.

Once, Obscured
Twice, Twisted
Third, is Quite the charming Bird!

Is it all I've ever wanted?
To be faded.
I guess not.

With Sepia toned sunshine I quote the light of the stars.
With Razor toned moon-Lune I breathe the colors of tunes.

Is it all you ever wanted.
To be faded.
I guess not.

Isn't alteration always changing.
I can hear all your feeling.
Can you feel all I Hear?

Dug in
Stretched out
Sunk into love with you

Swallowed the years
Carved the tally to my skin
Fell into hate with you

There are endless fields of stars waiting for us.

Lu Me

2009-12-26T13:27:00.000-08:00

A somber light hides in the process of life
My heart in a cycle I cannot break
This love from above
a cosmic routinue I cannot shake
the tides on the bible fight
Page by page I find guidance
In the electrifying silence
Why don't I believe in me?
I suffer with every joy
I suffer with each despair
On a contstant crux of the divine
This torturing beauty of being human
This fluctuating taste of happiness
I don't want to die alone cries the raven
I don't want to live alone cries the dove
This awful fixation of the lovers
Won't you be the one to save me?
"no, no. Only you can save yourself."
Aren't you the one to finally break me?
"no, no. Only you can destroy yourself."
Lies are the smoothe bars I entrust to protect my heart
But I still bleed through to you
No matter what I do
I want to run back through time
Back through time
As I do I'm going to point and laugh at my past
Far away to the beginning of it all
I'll pause and rewrite everything on my walk back

My days don't value correlation.

2009-12-26T13:21:00.000-08:00

I get so angry with god sometimes. This is part of our relationship though. God knows this, I can tell when he winks at me. The reason I get so upset is because I often feel very lonely, what tears me apart further is myself really not caring, that I am surely quite "alone." He knows I can handle myself thus far.

Still there always seems to be this void I aim to fill. Perhaps I should just accept "The Unknown" as an Infallible Law. Come to terms with the possibility that it might be the void in me that in fact makes me whole.

I know that we are never detached from Earth and our higher power. I give my heart over to that current. However, I catch myself becoming lazier and lazier as I allow my blind faith to lead me forward. You know? If I am a moth to the flame, Shall it be Lord? So shall it be. All I'm getting at here in this moment, is that blind faith musn't stand and lead alone. We must fire it with logical action & filter out the greedy tar that we've come to believe is a part of us.

What tar do I have in me? Perhaps my "let it be" attitude towards life. Rarely do I ever apologize for who I am, unless who I am hurt someone. Even then I make it quite clear that Its just the way I am percieving life. I don't make any effort to contact interesting aquaintances because I believe we will run into eachother if we are meant to exchange company again. Its not that I don't care, REALLY! I just love every one on one universal level and my weeks would be to fucking busy to chat over tea with them all. So my close friends are few to none.

I've been studying myself through the eyes of others lately. Not always the best thing to do, but definately eye opening. At the end of the day I try to remember that its important for me to be happy with myself. That is entirely impossible to do if you try to please the world let alone every person on your path. I've discovered that some think I'm two faced and flaky. I'm not. I can see why they'd think so. How can I possibly get along with someone that doesn't believe in god, & then get along just the same with a die hard member of the LDS church? How can I talk with a methe-head, then have the same conversation with some one that never touched drugs in there life? Some one was peering into my personality, and explained to me that this can't be possible. In order to make friends and love certain people you have to make enemies and use some of your energy to hate on them. Its part of life, was her reasoning. You can call me a two-faced-cornflake all you want but it won't zoom me in. I prefer to stay zoomed fully out, gazing over the entire picture.

If I am to exort any sort of hateful energy. It will most likely be with the people I "love, Love" The ones I need in my life as long as possible. Before the stars eat us back up. *

As for that nice flaky personality quirk of mine. I don't really enjoy making plans. Especially when people talk up the event too deeply into their heads. I tell this to many, if you'd like to make plans with me, lets think of something to do, and not think about it untill it comes down to doing it. Our imagination can take us on some wild rides. But if we ride the thought of what might happen, before it actually does, reality comes and falls short of our expectation. So automatically, I loose intrest, I fly away to what ever catches my heart and I put forth everything I have for that moment. Past plans all of a sudden don't mean a thing to me. Apparently, I've offended a lot a people because of this. What can I say if you feed my visuals its as if we already took the adventure.

I've never been one to value promises. They seem made just so someone can break them. There is only one promise I'll keep. That promise is love.

Am I writing this for you, me, us or them? Perhaps this is me justifying my ways through blogging.

Who really knows, right?

Perhaps my indesciveness is a personal personality knot I'm to lazy to untie. Does that make me bitter, or cold-hearted? Does that prove that I am unwilling?

The way I see it is, why make descions with my mind? I'd much rather follow my heart. There is only one way home. One way to you.

2009-11-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

A SURE TWIST OF FATE
Sunday, March 29, 2009 - 11:14 am

d1

Even though you pray in the darkness
Someday there will come a light
That will break through all this confusion
But the chaos can be half the fun
So slice the strings
that are tying you down
& toss those crazy bitches to the ground

Be inspired by the morning
and enthralled by the night

where do I go?
I don't want to know right now.
I just want to live
I want to invade my skin
& get back whats rightfully mine

There's love inside that no one can touch
but they can take all the rest
All the keys are out of tune in my head
so find another song to play.

And all the glass that shattered
will piece together with your heart
maybe on some other planet

So warm inside your arms
So safe inside my head
& every thing you said
will never leave

One day
I won't have to visit the headstones
I'll be able to just look into your eyes

I can see myself
& I'm not there yet

Pulling my body weight out of this ditch
Hanging from barbed wire

I have to get my head straight
even if that means
going crazy
We're all going crazy.

The dim day
The calm before the storm
Numb:
I fall
But I cannot feel the floor
Though the seeds wait
beneathe the frozen ground
Like winter, Death likes to linger round
I am on the mountain
Now prepare to fly
I can see diamonds in the blood
Like the stars glisten in your eye
There's not much further to go
yet the road is endless
There's not that much time left
yet we are timeless
All you have to do
is survive.
Who will shoot the gun that
will sound off the riots?
Like flags on the raceway.
We are only half way there.
Only half way.
Cold stale air
It reminds me of love.
Warmth: Deceit
Like Jesus kissed your feet.
It'll all make sense in the end.
If not we can begin again.

QTD GST $179.03 CLLCT CERT OR CH6 BAR

FIRST TIME STAYING.
PAINKILLERS.
DEGENERATE WORLD.
PURE BLISS.

SEVENTY FIVE

Melting
a metal smoothie
Striking on a cold day
Condition unknown
My mind opens like a flower
on a dead branch
Barely there
barely hanging on
Still so real
Trying to feel
We're so beautiful blank
& such tragic strangers
Stay and lets venture astray
Stay with intentions of enforcing
whats strictly razor sharp ambition.
I wed you to my dreams
I engage you to my sorrows
Sometimes nothing more
then what i like to do
somtimes nothing more
then breathing with you
Spring brings rain
Wet earth
Run through the forest
Secondary raindrops
dripping from the trees new leaves
It reminds me of babies
Its all so lovely
Its all so.

Sunflowerdagger says Forgivness. . .
Wednesday, March 4, 2009 - 7:03 pm

Is a clean Canvas.
But the sin is still there underneath the white primer
No matter what. You cannot get away from yourself. Ever.

Don't we all surrender to reality?
A cult
Searching for the answer to it all.
Blistered from the sun
Froze by the moon
wounds bleed
beneathe the skin
Pouring rains mute the
blank
numb
feeling
That seems to haunts us all
The world a void
&
God is the void
May he rest in peace
&
count the ticks
as I
tally the tocks

Sitting in a room
keeping both eyes on the clock
Something has gone terribly wrong

& you don't believe your as great as you are.

Yet everything will be alright
Says the mother in me.
Maybe thats all she'll be
Will you allow children
to forget how to sing?

What am I feeling?
Why am I alive?

("shhhh" he says, "You'll see in time")

The body is fragile
yet seconds as this sheild
that cages a frail heart
& this faithless hope

Life fancies blood
Its his favorite drink

I'm on the worlds menu
&
Your on the menu every night
we lay on the silver platter
Blanketed in the seasonings
Drugged: into a deep sleep

The poncho:
Protects us from the rain
but coats acid to burn our skin

The Trend:
Might as well be a new religion.

Do you hear whispers in your skull?
Are you going crazy?
Ask yourself?
No, its :god:
Then its :god:
If the answer is voices
then your hearing voices

How do I erase myself from you?
&
How do I delete you?

Only asking in case I wanted to.

We could drive.
If we go off a cliff...
:don't worry:
We could fly

Dance untill I find you
All the way down the trail
Please excuse my distance
Sometimes I can be cold as Hell.

I don't really like Venus
Jupiter has always brought me....
&
Neptune...
Pluto=destruction
and Mars has a core of mirriors.
Earth doesn't seem real when compared to every thing else of all.

Vermin.
Worthless creatures to the swollen ego.
Humans have a "canibal soul" food chain
I feel like vermin sometimes
Keep a eye out for the mouse traps

They'll break more than just your fingers.

Cheese=Temptation

SO what cheddar do you prefer?
You might as well get what you want
when the metal snaps down

I shoved my self into a capsule the other day
But only one person gets to take me

I'm thinking its the only way
to really sink
underneath or into
some ones skin.

Wouldn't it be so nice to just loose your self
to dissolve helplessly into another
Poof! you are one.

*sigh*

Does no one have a big enough throat?
I guess we can just use fire.

As dead as the desk
As alive as the telephone

*ring*ring*
"Hello?"

"Hi,Yea I uh would like the toll free number to hell."

Get your ass to the cross roads if its that important to you.

Wallflower.
No thanks
I'm a fvcking ceiling star
You can wander the side lines
Is above out of bounds?
Take anything you want
because in the .....

whoa=blownback=winded
*black out*

Sometimes black holes get activated
and there's really no turning back
Life does move kind of fast.
We are in a time machine.
Its all starcraft.

& your a sugar coated bullet in a cupcake gun baby.

Frosting foaming from your mouth
Rabies

-note-
If someone loves you.
& they become a zombie. A.K.A (the living dead)
Well if they really love you
They won't eat you. They'll just rip into your neck and infect you so you can be apart of their zombie life. Or apart of their lack of life thereof.

P.S. You see? this is what I call true, or Zombie love.
P.S.2. If you don't have any relation to the individual zombie. Or your relationship can be summed up as "enimies"
Then you'd better whip out your chainsaw. There is no after living of non-living for you.
-fin-

Its funny I always watch horror movies and the whole time I'm thinking to my self.
"Good lord, Sweet fvck, I shouldn't be watching this."
I mean it really can't be good for the soul.

Adreneline.
Eats laziness away

Sit with someone under the sunshine
Tie some flowers into a headband or jewelry.
& just talk about the sunshine.
Its the greatest thing in this world
besides love.

I love people that wear headphones and space them self so far off from society that they star singing loudly walking the city streets.

I don't even care if their singing a shitty song.
I just love that their singing.

The door is cracked
slightly open
I see the glow of candlesticks

& I must go.

xoxo
&xx

*screams*shrills*playful*lust*
Sunday, February 22, 2009 - 6:43 am

I can't find my way to the paper
Found my hand with a pen
words spilling worlds
keyboards turning into pianos
of rhythmic static symphonies
That lay all dreamers to sleep in their
twilight stained skies

It pulls you in every direction

That thin layer of skin is all that separates us
..this frustrates me
so I invited you to dig in
Past those frail barriers
The burn turns black
The wind stays stale

Under my skin
Within my silent hell

Provoke and just like the angels
demons will come.

I tie my fears behind my back
I let the sun rise on confusion

I know its the chaos
that tastes

....it tastes.....

What is society's dose?
Dose for the day
Dose for your way

I see this rock alley way... cool blue shades
Shadowed beings dancing.
We fvck until....
we break the dawn.

What makes you feel so alive?

Po*dunk....piss....pass me that vodka
...I work in 3
How do you start a day
with a night like this.

*kisses*
over you
*wishes*

Ouija
Sunday, February 15, 2009 - 12:01 am

A spider bit me on my lips.
Should I call this a kiss?
Back and forth
the window rolls
Peering through
this curtain of strings

There will come a time where
this world will vanish.
To ask when is a fool's game
Because time owns no time.

There he lays
on the grave of my heart
& for me he slays the dove

Given no mind
All thoughts
Intertwine

Can you dig into me
Where the X marks the spot
Can I dig down deep
to your treasure?
To the gold that kings
and queens bathe in.

What is reality?
If everything dies.
Are your secrets locked
or engraved in your being?

Lies on your lashes
Blink the connection away.
Kiss in the darkness of the lid

Save sight
for another night

From Hell, comes Heaven.

From Heaven, comes Hell.

A blog.
Sunday, February 8, 2009 - 9:04 pm

I feel the earth crumble below my feet.
I can feel the machine.
Its only when I look in the peoples eyes
do I slow down my pace
& control my feet.

You don't fvcking know
the shit that I see.

Every day is a mourning
of the past
& eating doesn't feed the hunger
Lust: doesn't feel this void of love

I am with out you

but I can feel you inside of me.

Fvcking my soul
with every word
that your lips spill

Dear Starlite Sky,
Thursday, June 25, 2009 - 10:16 pm

I felt you fly
and I know your waiting

exactly where you belong

and for every living soul that you have inspired

will be waiting to join you in your palace.

And may all of gods love be with your Wife.

She loves you

in a way...more than I do.

transcend.

You are now part of the ONE.

Rest in peace

and love be with you.

O DEAR MY

The world is getting high
sex waves goodbye to intellect
minds run dry
boxes full of white light

tended nature
ticketed forests
dead end trails
venture to the great divide

hypnotizing screens
above the baby's crib
winter weddings
of frost coated death

peeling the skin
of a petal fair
to insulate your cold skin
enter my mind
before my pussy

give the earth some time
to match the rotation of the sky
love has an attraction curse
love has a beautiful eye
love is tagged with a sufficent price
of maybes and whys and tries

Tangled in this mess
baby of the wires
baby of the trees
baby of thought
baby of the begining
What baby do we bear?

the future holds
fears
supressed sights
of midnight frights
baby baby baby
there is still good out there

cut out the beauty from the magazine of filth
paste them on your wall
an when the wolf start howling
know love is the strongest brick of all

To divide all the things we realize.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 - 10:55 pm

Down and about
we travel the route

pale as the naked
smooth as the raven

Please plead for yourselves

I have found happiness in poverty

when blessings come
I'm still a vampire

stealing the blood from the Rich

transfusion into the poor

Riding through the mountains as you space travel to stay as young as young can be

when whats in your heart is all I need.

Make our world that much closer

white horses into the rising dawn

If you'd Only
Tuesday, June 9, 2009 - 11:49 pm

let things bee

your might understand that there is no exsistance in being.

That seperation of self allows the void to become whole.

what if every song was sang un-noticed?

Would you feel the friction on your souls ear?

would your heart skip a beat and notice the difference?

and if for just this once you could rest and stop all this "seeking."

Would you ever be able to dance amongst the very torture that has your entire purpose so enthralled?

and if for just this once

you'd only

turn to me

And say every word that your tongue has been collecting.

What truth would you spoil me with?

Or what lie would you allow to rot me?

Can I offer you a drink?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009 - 11:21 pm

Some whiskey? ...Wine? How about a nice cold Cola...???

Please take a bite of the crackers and cheese,,,

All while doing so...

Tell me your story please.

"You see there was this man, There but entirely invisible. So caught up in his ways that...he failed to realize.. He failed to realize the only truth in his life."

You can sit in a chair, on a grey day...outside getting drenched by rain. But do you ever stop to realize that its actually raining?

Enthralled
Saturday, May 23, 2009 - 8:34 am

Every morning stands silent
amongst your song
and every one rises
with the distance
in your setting condition
of withered hope
and transparent confusion

The divine transcend
into the infinity
of the aged man

the aged god
of our transgressions

bloodline of the works
come together
people born
into & on this earth

your "world" will blend with the sky

as will I

as will I

what is & what isn't.
Monday, May 11, 2009 - 11:33 pm

it is not anger
not an outburst of previous
hatered that once dwelled
and festered inside on its own

what it is
is what it is.

their white gloves say that there is no dust on this picture

what it is
its old

at night I am greeted by black clouds
wrapping around me in my bed

during day I am engulfed in white light
shining straight through my soul heart & head.

to be finished
is to lay down the love.

terrible piece
now that I am sure.

love
sunny D
miss dagger
daggy
SFD
sunflower
sun daggy
sun
sunflowerdagger

chrystal

Burns across my intentions.
Sick, blind, weak men at my disposal.
I'm climbing this mountain.
Wishing for the peak of my aspirations.
The tumble is just as real as the climb.
& though my glittered, plastic mind
refuses to see it.
This world is just as ugly as it is divine.
I file the skin on my fingertips down.
As I drag them on either side of the corridor.
Carving all this havoc
Like cave drawings in hell.
Raindrops of blood
feeds the flower.
Tears, blood, or rain?
They all blend in
complimenting the storm.
My happiness is my saddness.
My blindness is my sight.
My entire meaining is this void.
This blackhole, I call my soul.
Sucking you in for the ride.

The Beauty with a beast.
Sunday, January 25, 2009 - 1:05 am

The stars that hide behind the moon. The stars no mathematician can measure to.At the speed of light, I call out to the sky for you. At the speed of light I fall. Fighting on the inside...a war. What do you wager your life for? Washed up on the soul like a smoothe shell. Washed up in the lava beds of my own rainbowed hell. Bitter-sweet the taste. Bitter-sweet the song. Putrid intentions.
Life then death....it comes.
Used. By the smiling vultures.
Loved by the faceless man.
Comforted by a loving voice.
Like a crazy man.
Are you the fool?
Are you the queen?
Can you take dirty blood
and make it clean?

A lady's house with antique trinkets.
Scattered, colorful, silly.

that had nothing to do with this
that was just a funny dream.

now now....

Links to lead to comfort.
Links that lead to you.
I close my eyes tight.
I don't get darkness.

I think.
Therefore I am & I think of you
People bathing in their creature comforts of their audited bliss

money money money
what do you think about money?

its only real because we made it so.
An illusion we can't erase.

I just see a blood stained paper.
Once again, blood stained cotton.

The 7 deadly sins.
Do you believe they are.

What if they all become one?

Would that be the ultimate crime?
Or the perfect behavior?

Its 1:17a.m...I've had to much company today....too many bodies.

So look at me know I'm a bit disconnected.

I'm not a robot so where can I build a bridge tonight?

What do you all think about whats been going on?
On here especially.
Is every one happy?
This is sunflower checking in, with her weird ways.

So it looks like we lost a fellow pumpkin head. I consider you all this strange extended family. Honestly I've been really sad lately. I feel like a flame has burnt out.
I know we all think this shouldn't of happened but it really did. Its really about what you say...even online. You can take any online forum or site as superficial networking. Or misleading mingling... but fact is, your still dealing with very real people. & people...well, we're all very sensitive. Sometimes they are shouting through the screen...but we mistakenly blow it off. Like a online *cold shoulder*

...eh...

Hold on to whatever it is that makes you happy.
Like a child that clings to their teddy-bear as they face the monsters in the dark.

...jeezus I want to hear some happy stories.
Some corny jokes or something.

knock knock!!!

who's there?

Me

Me who?

me wuvs you.

Gnite.

Poemz from 2007-2008

2009-01-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 - 12:37 pm

leaves are falling
They've lost their fun
just like the years we've outrun
Baby blue
you look old and parched
Why did you sell your youth
So early to the truth in this world
So early to the old man down the street
or was it stolen from you
The bandit, reality's misty swamps

The days of gator trees
apple stinger bees
back then your smile
could get you anything
the world the size of your looking glass

Those dimes in the bags of your eyes
Leathered eyelids
stitched hearts
with puzzle pieces of love
That fit together well
but make up the wrong picture
maybe its true that some things never change

i leave this unknown
like the treasures we leave behind
in the past
so we can weightlessly tread forward Thursday, November 1, 2007 - 2:15 pm

You say friendship lasts
well where does it last to?
Frames give boundaries to enjoy
I never thought I'd be the one to loose you
Have i become a whore of desire?
have I become a whore of fame?
A whore of Freedom?
A Whore of butterfly restrain?
and your smile has become like porcelain
Your happiness so easy to break
Your heart into plastic
so why do i feel so fake?
You'll always be the bottle i send
to drift at sea
but now i know the secrets
will have to stay
in deserted sands
here with me
if only i could drift at sea
past the white foam
through all my dreams
then i could tell you
the honest color of the sky
the honest color of a tear
when its not against the skin

Monday, November 5, 2007 - 11:11 am

confusion
constantly in my gut
my name:
chrystal to Chris
billy to Bill
jimmy to Jim
Its pathetic how i live in my thoughts

Friday, November 9, 2007 - 11:52 am

A price on humanity
can i buy your love
emotion for sell
in a candy store
which lies about product
the tenets, demons?
as i walk beside
the two endless tracks
i realize death and birth
are nothing but the same
and time: a silly reminder
of where my life is supposedly
meant to be
A child of five will spend his whole life
in one big circle
confined to one big device
malled by the careless messengers
love just never stays
but for the time it does
it feels so great
grief and turmoil
comes and goes
all contributing to the void
that connects our feet to our souls
all we are is all we'll be
temperate simplicity
I'm not faking any thoughts
I can't fathom your reasons
for faitour smiles
and plastic skin
barbed wire lungs
and metal hearts
Your glassy eyes
and Hydro filled veins
making all thats real
a false hope
and a detained body
Dreams drained for scientific pain
its so much easier
to remain hollow with in
but living life and love
feels like a better win
wilted flowers on a autumn day
my kind of winter in the months of may
chemical clouds
and gas mask tea
No one wants to take a drive with me
The sunflowers doused in ponds
Mistaken for water lilies
My poems
in chips on the computer
and the pages withered
frayed, the happenings of my heart
deliberately remain unknown
Its hard to contain a fire
don't you know
even more so
when its held in a vase
the size of your eye
the lid, thin glass
from the heart of a gnome
and the fire ten times the size
of my body
.... damn i could go for a icy cold coke

Tuesday, November 13, 2007 - 11:30 am

Sensuality often hastens the growth of love, so much that the roots remain weak, and are easily torn up.

I love that.
gardens I've seen are
tamed beauty
cut and weaved
Through out soil
that otherwise cements dead bodies
So many secrets in our soil
A poet is not one to exploit beauty or love
unless he writes with his mind
and not his throbbing heart
A Indian cursed with a never ending heart beat
has the women cut out his heart to end the pain
of life.
The women now has the heart throbbing in her breast
Theres this fascination that enthralls me
Living.
Living is definite
we feel that we're alive
with every rain drop to the skin
every kiss from a friend
Every heart ache we bear
as we watch the loves of our life
walk away with out even a second glance
Through all this we seem to care of the undefined
We want an ever beating heart
Then we don't have to die.

just thoughts

Monday, November 19, 2007 - 12:47 pm

Is solitude demeaning?
How many paved roads must we take
until we get to ride the dirt highway?
Can you taste the unknown?
What if you could?
simply by opening your eyes
and stepping outside this small
compacted world they've created for us.
It doesn't matter why you think it..
it only matters that you can
Little homely circus men
Women with their skin too close to their bones
Children at one, counting to ten
camels dying of thirst
Cigarette cartons
and a candy cane hearse
Floating umbrellas
and carpeted grass
love hiding in words
Words sealed inside our
sliver infested excuse for a throat
Star dust falls every night
to the tongues of wonder filled eyes
Feeding the souls
of spirited woes
and quenching the thirst
for those of us who thirst the worst
Is solitude Demeaning?
Or is it dissapearing

Monday, November 26, 2007 - 11:53 am

Pawn this Beautiful Dream

Pawn this beautiful dream
I'm floating away, and you can't bring me down
i can't bring you down either
i love kissing the sunflower at the end of a gray rainbow
throwing the money off the titanic dick
is most fulfilling
because next I'll be the starving child
I paid for two tickets and received a notice of death.
Twas celebration the best
Our Rosie cheeks soft as petals from the Jungle rare
Crinkling pillows from devils hair
Peeling scales from dragons far
Twas magic and scars
Wrap your fingers in this shag
I taste the paint from the wolves paws
Tis' nothing but my adopted mother
fuck HER_pluck HER
I'm still deep in this pointless dream
& its fun because i can't feel a thing
Twiddle me this I Twiddle my thumbs
Your face, broken with glass
The very state I'm in

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 - 11:10 am

Destiny? or something like it, on the verge
i see my life ridding to me from the horizon
I fear it is only a transitory mirage
a water hole that is only sand, grinding between my teeth
Dust, a tornado in my lungs
love or something like it
hope or something close to it
Breath or a passing relapse into silence
breathe in the acid
exhale the smoke
Playing in puddles
because life seems, at most a joke
He tagged everything with a price
He held the TV up on his shoulders
because it was lighter than bearing the weight of the world
not this lifeless tease
Chasing the treat, that dangles from a string
rap-tap-tapping the cage
to gather tourists change
We can put on this show for ever
but never can we tame the gowd
that gathers lint
in the pockets of the crowd
The ocean of blind human bodies
Heads up hands down
to our maker
to our destiny

Monday, December 10, 2007 - 11:33 am

Flowers rise from the snow
Little children accepting
that they just don't know

I forgive you
for what you've done
But i still can't seem
to let it go

I remember driving
away from everything
aimlessly down a road

I remember hiding
Far away in the meadows
Sheltered by the charcoal trees
back then when i felt like nobody

Bumble bees blowing my cover
but nothing was worse
then your sting

Even now i feel
like a dead vegetable
Lying in a rose bed
Thorns i do impale
Punctures to a dream bubble

Your eyes sparkle
your skin is soft
i can't help but love you
when i really ought to not

i swept up the stars
that fell from your sunset eyes
I dusted off your lullaby's
Sat on the splinter rocking chair
died again inside
felt anger in my fingertips
and sadness in my heart
curse words in my lips
hunger in my teeth

deprivation
neglect
thirst

while i drowned inside myself
Down deep inside myself
I conjure my reasonings
I wake all my doubts

All i need is the sun rising
every morning above me

dead sun rising
dead sun rising
dead sun rising

Tuesday, December 18, 2007 - 10:47 am

If i could do one thing...
I'd show the world a picture of itself

Dark silhouettes
Wednesday, December 26, 2007 - 1:05 pm

Dark Silhouettes
above me
while spring ends
autumn raids the valley

we wade in hot waters
with dim neon crowns
humming harmonious sounds
all in all
we were
there

The blues this valley torments
the love it radiates
the beauty of a setting sun
a rising moon
a buried gun

I watched the moon set
behind the dead forest
I watched it
sparkle in your eyes
I feel the coldness
of the wind
as it weaves through my hair

I'll admit
you left me there
energized and scared
Truth begets beauty
Beauty is born from fear
fear torn from the deepest
caverns of my heart
tossed aside
so living can start

you've set a lasting
impression in my heart

says a belife in fear
Sunday, December 30, 2007 - 2:05 pm

I believe in fear
and because i do
I live by it
I realize I am more afraid of fear
than fear itself
I'm nothing with out it
It fuels me
fools me
leaves me tied up in knots
but it defines me
& and is part of who I am
& who I dare love

a new year
Tuesday, January 1, 2008 - 4:06 am

brings hope
and a sunrise from within
she lays there at his side
spilling her intoxicated guts
from her swelling stomach
"place the ring back on my finger please..."
she whispers
"if i loose you, i truly have nothing"
in the mist of nothingness:
this my friends is truly fullfilling
I've found beauty
I've guilt from writing poetry
while love dwells alone
please come home
to the house you've never had
there's love here
no matter how you take it
no matter how silly it sounds
I believe there's this fairy
quaint & settled to our shoulder tops
that keeps a watchful eye
to the consumption of magic
in tragic need, devoured by our lives
i believe that the sounds of the unknown
are constantly defining us
calling us:
to come back home
to the house we've never had
i know there's love there
all it takes
is the truth
you carry within yourself
come home
to the house You've never had
to love
to truth
...
"love: there is no words, to even describe

unless
Sunday, February 3, 2008 - 11:26 am

Its cold outside
The snow towers to the sky
I Bow down
and kiss the feet
of conformity
reign myself slowly to strife

such uneasy feeding
of the mind
The rust of faith

i watch children
die as they imagine war
Play grounds hold tanks
that replace the swing sets
clipped wings
love songs

diamonds are worthless
things

sour promises
sugarcoated hopes
there's lines they say
when dreaming

That the world of wonder
falls short of the expectation of the mind
The bar lowered with the opening of your eyes
Welcome to the world of woe

I'll stay alone
Because i want nothing
unless its real
unless the stars fall

you stay as far as possible

I hate the fake crooked smile
of a dreamer with no cause

i was blessed with a blackout for a future
Friday, March 14, 2008 - 12:55 pm

I was lying in bed the other day thinking about the future. I broke down because all i could see in my future was blackness. There was no one, nothing. I guess this is suppose to happen when you graduate high school. The question hits you. "where am i going with my life?" But this feeling wasn't like that at all. I can't dream about my future for a reason. Its so i live my life in the now. Now is all I have. The past week I met someone who understood all my thoughts and shared the same feelings about this world. He told me there are many others who feel the same way. I'm not alone anymore. Its selfish really to think the things you think about are yours alone. sometimes in the mess the world piles upon you creates this mentality of abandoned alienation. But no one is alone.
no one.
Through it all
I'm blessed with a blackout for a future
It leaves more room to paint what I'd like
Idea by Idea, Day by Day
who are they to say
there is no other way
redemption of a sunny day
you to

gypsy blood
Saturday, March 15, 2008 - 3:23 pm

I'm a theif
and a liar
I'm everything your
soul desires
I've gypsy blood inside my veins
black tar and feathers
I'll make you heart stone cold
your skin leather cuddling your bones
I'll wear you teeth around my neck
like jewels to parade my affection
a shrine of devotion
up in flames
a nod of notion
I'll drown you in the
oceans of my thoughts
replace you with hopeful
untied knots
a kiss cry
hung out
up in the trees to dry
I only hear your voice
in the winds
Your heartbeat
in the thunder
as i walk away
past the feilds
bare feet
burnt skin
I feel you looking at the moon
I feel that your lonely
I'm a theif
and a Liar
I'm everything you soul desires
I've gypsy blood within my veins
black tar and feathers
stone cold
I'll make you pinky swear
we were never born
We'll douse the fire
dismember the mountains
Flaten the desert
even more

your absolutely right
Thursday, March 20, 2008 - 7:48 pm

Your absolutely right
sweet, young, negative light
this world isn't fair
no one gets out alive
They say pain
isn't worth the pursuit of truth
decadent freedom
watch it slither away
woe is me
chained to the floor
woe is me
what i dream matters no more
blank stare into the pure
blank stare to the stars
blank little shining star
i am what you are
darling little child
who lives in the world of dreams
a true lost art
help me find the way to the easel
I will paint you a lullaby
I will paint you a story
I will paint you cut of at your knees
So the only thing you see
is all that you believe

Skipping stone Bones
Saturday, March 29, 2008 - 11:58 am

the shadowed forest
the vacant eye

The hopeful hand
I hold the mime

I keep the silence
a treasure
as time falls short
& seas dry low

I've come to accept
That i may never know

and through it all
the showers of pain
I'll send you my love
I'll roll dice
for the game
and when my turn
is skipped and hollow
I'll abandon the board
to allow what follows

skipping stone bones
skipping stone bones
Go on down to the shard shores
stones to slice the void
skipping stone bones
skipping stone bones

old age youth
Saturday, March 29, 2008 - 3:59 pm

I'm trying to find the words to describe your old age youth. Wisdom does not retire. but theres something I'm not saying to you. There's this awkward feeling that i might be alone with only the bones in my body. Them, naked beneath my skin and my upmost being trapped inside your lies of absolute perfection. O' the ease at which you hide. Maybe, perhaps, something went wrong with the way things were suppose to be. Have we hit the glitch? Are we ten to nothing on the scale of rott?
Who knows the anwser? Because i sure do not. I called the departments, now i call on your soul. The more i get to know him, the more i feel cold.
I mark the height of perfection next to the devil himself. Who stands no taller then some pretend to be. You hold no more "sin" then me myself and I, makes three.

besid the poem a thought if you will:
the 3 states of one being
me
myself
I
could someone please define
i think we're constantly mixing
torn, black and white souls to the ultimate decision
the final evolution

*~make a wish

Sunflower

Up must fall down to break
Friday, April 4, 2008 - 1:18 pm

Up must fall down to break
He has a very fragile heart
He wanders on tip toe
through the weeds of the
forgotten garden

A place who wants no
space in memory
How can a place be a who?

Because I love where I am
when I'm beside you

How can up fall down?
and into how many pieces?
I call upon the mess
I freeze under concept

Now i rest

Shut eyes, sleep
I paint all i want
in the waking of my dream.

you've heard of Lucid dreams?
Teach me Lucid life!

There's no need for shut eye
meek and mild
the sunflower seeds are pills

salted drugs
for a observant meal

the ravenous crowd
goes wild

Both of us
lost from the others
sight

Your absence:
a dripping
bite

The alcohol
stinging my insides
all i am
is an open wound

my mind is warped
Sunday, April 6, 2008 - 1:07 pm

and i'm falling asleep at my job.
wake up! (slaps face)
five more hours to go!!!
I went to a party last night and all through the morning, which is the reason for my sleep depervation. Had another engaging conversation with a stranger, and some one familar i know. And all i know is my mind was blown once again. No one is ever alone. I'd go in to deatail but my brain is still sorting out all the information, I feel like i'm dreaming right now. To be completely honest with you this site is trippin me out right now. Right now as i type this I'm typing to no one, but perhaps a couple of you might run your eyes across my new blog entry. Either for the hell of it or for a deep attempted understanding of the stranger behind the screen. Here is a brief summary of one of the many topics we got in to last night. Jesus and Lucifer came before god. God asked them how they would "run" earth and bring his "children" back to him. Lucifer said he would "force" every one to come back to god. Jesus said he'd give man free will to come to god on his own. But if at birth we were "binded" to one path, one ultimate destination, we'd have no knowledge of free choice. There cant be rebellion with out freedom of choice. So we'd all be perfect and in god's presence. Sometimes i feel religon puts on this show of perfection, that unless your some god or super hero, you cant obtain. With one way, you'd come to no forked paths...... maybe our biggest challenge is we are lost on a one way street..? I don't mean to sound satinist or any thing like that. I don't know, like i said, I'm still sorting all my thoughts out from the other night. so many sparks of fresh ideas. I guess you can say i have a mayhem of inspiration. I just can't wait untill 6 O' clock so i can rest my brain

i hope all of you are happy today

*~love

Best wishes

sunflowerdagger

Cheers To times !!!
Saturday, April 12, 2008 - 10:36 am

The closest way to fly
is to cut across the field

The fastest way to obtain your desires
is to kill kill kill
Fire!

wild eyes glued to the mirrors
wild woes
wild cries

Birds in the morning
sing a sweet tune
Owls at night
Because Little birds
don't sing to the moon

The fastest way
Hurried hearts
slow down
every one gets their part
we'd kill for the spotlight
we'd kill to be in love
show me the fastest way

I have nine lives
Now i'm in my tenth time living
something must be wrong

The Closest way to fly
its to cut across the fields
Run little boy,run
fly

All these selfish fish
all this vacant sea
one huge lot...for a guppy like me

swim on, sugarcane poison
hold on to the dust
gather spects like flowers
A bouquet of chains and rust

The Clock Strikes Eight
Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 7:56 pm

Boquets of flowers
to enrage the fire
Fragrant warmth
My guard a tower
satin smoke
dresses the child that shivers
silk tears to be sold
Tallied Cadavars
Engraved memories
buried hopes
I send the weeper
to the gate
I summon the reaper
to kill hate
Cursed thought
the expanding mind
what if we return
to the state of dust
we are stars
he is correct
cosmic mistakes?
Perhaps
but that doesn't mean
we aren't beautiful
we are the shimmer
in the skies eye

you are the shimmer in mine
a hotel with golden stairs
jeweled animals
desks of pure water
and fish
i walk outside the the grafiti
side walks
i run down the alley
i see a red fabric
i walk beside it
I feel like the rabbit
i've some where to be
late, so late
for a very important date
as im running...
i know the entire time
That i've already missed out
but i run faster
and my clock empties
on to the floor
Inside was poisonous
bread crumbs
I have the choice to retrace my steps and go back
But to where?
I ask the man in the top hat
(the same man who i've met on the high way
he once gave me a neckalace.
one glass tear
that contained all my saddness and fears
so i wear it around my neck
to not live it in my life)
He gave me the answer
"What is the Point?"
"you are where you are
and you know where it leads
right back here
to give the same question to me"
i glanced back at the trail
to the alley ahead
i was out of bread crumbs
my clock was dead
"where do i go when my time is up?"
What trail do i leave?
he said,
"why leave your self a trail?
Do you plan to retrace your steps?"
I realized the past is poison
I bowed
went to walk away
"wait, one more thing, my daughter
of dimes, Don't leave a trail, but leave your finger prints behind."
i walked and smiled on
Came again to the still waters
where i found peace
in the disturbances i caused
picking orchids
that were dripping with glittered dust.
I pick them for the fire
so they don't get the Stone angel's touch
Your late
so late
for a very important date
run and empty the poisonous
fillings of your clocks
who is who
to time true love
?

No need For a Title
Wednesday, April 23, 2008 - 8:49 pm

Two rooms
shards of glass
Lets take our hearts
and roll them to the wall

Silent nights
City streets
Lets sing one sound
There is no peace

There can be unity, but,
Can you outrun the ground?
Can you taste the destruction
of being thrown down
by a hero
Tossed aside
by a friend
Cut of
from a lover

Hold my hand till the end?

I stick by my alaby
Sedated by a lullaby
there is a waking state
Just fields, flowers,
endless towers to the skies

I am dark
I am wasted
Us, sprawled out on heavens hate

Them the same

I keep a watchful eye
with the person in the mirror
With cameras and pictures
a short, blood feud with reality
with technology
a feud with fear

we are the same
Pumpkin pistols
Pumpkin pistols
take fire
if you will
Seed ammo
plastic wood
what matters?
its still hollow
Pumpkin pistols
pumpkin dreams
Pumpkin pistols
pumpkin dreams

Hold my thoughts in your eyelids
rest &
put my hand in your heart
whispers to you
......

"I won't tear you apart."

The feeling Last night
Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 9:19 pm

carried through today
a standing kiss
of akward lust
took my breath away

Raise the sun and the moon
on a flag pole
sing your praise
get lost in the maze

snowing human bodies
ancestor ashes
ancestor pride

The web
The Children
The dolce lies

Regret
of wanting to let go
My feet still
in quicksand cement

Hold the cliff
as I fall

release the pleasure
for what its worth
I was numb
You were a seizer
You were a disease
Myself?
Infected

In a sense resurected
from the ashes I bathed in
The world is worn
torn
Re-born?

*~sunflower

MELLACROBS
Sunday, May 4, 2008 - 3:14 pm

I'VE HIDDEN THE LIE
UNDER MY WING
OF SILK FEATHERED WOE

FLEW TO THE HILLS
OF ENDANGERED HEIGHTS
WHERE ALL THE VILLAGERS DWELL

I SMOTHER FROM SECURITIES
OF WHERE NEXT TO GO

BABE, FACE IT
I JUST DON'T KNOW

SO WELL
ITS WELL
I'M NOT ENOUGH FOR HEAVEN
NOT ENOUGH FOR HELL
NOT ENOUGH FOR THIS WORLD

I REAP THE TREASURES
BUT SQUANDER THE PRIZE

I GIVE OUT LOVE
& THEN I HIDE

I PRAY OUT WORDS
INHALING HATE

I EAT THE KEY
TO THE LOCKED GATE

I WISH ON STARS
BUT DON'T BELIEVE

I KEEP SECRETS
BUT THEY SLIP OUT OF MY SLEEVES

SO WELL
ITS WELL
NOT ENOUGH FOR HEAVEN
NOT ENOUGH FOR HELL

BABE, FACE IT
I JUST DON'T KNOW

MELLACROBS IS WHERE THEY GO
DIVISION ON A ONE WAY STREET
MELLACROBS IS WHERE THEY LAY
THE CONNECTED LINK
OF THE SOUL TO YOUR FEET

I TALK
BUT FORGET TO LISTEN

I GRIEVE
AND THEN FORGET

I APOLOGIZE
AND SWING ANOTHER HIT

I DANCE
BUT MAKE NO SOUNDS

I KISS
WITH OUT LOVING

I HOLD HANDS
WHILE I'M SHOVING

I SMILE
WHILE THERE'S ANGER INSIDE

I SMILE INSIDE
AS I DEFACE

I AM MYSELF
PART OF THE HUMAN RACE

SO WELL
ITS WELL
BABE, FACE IT
I'M NOT ENOUGH FOR HEAVEN
NOT ENOUGH FOR HELL

TAKE ME DOWN
TO MELLACROBS ROAD
I'LL TAKE YOU TO
TAKE ME TO THE SKY
TAKE ME TO THE SEA
TELL ME WHERE WE MEET
?

if there was a way to the unknown?
Friday, May 9, 2008 - 8:48 pm

The absence of clouds
makes pictures to
two lovers in love
me & you
And maybe birds do sing
at night
The city streets
overpowering their song
Maybe their is stars
during the day
just overpowered by
the sun

So make it
Live it
Break down the walls
These stalls divide
our hearts
They begin to wither
cuddle next to life
and hold time dear
become unsupressed
by all the
fears

If there was a way
to the unknown
would you really go?

If there was a way
to live with out
love
would you lock it out?

past the seas
of uncertainties
out the splintered
windows
above the buried
tres
And really...
upmost sincere...

If there was an
answer to it all
would you really
want me to share?

love

sunflowerdagger

oh dear my
Thursday, May 15, 2008 - 8:04 pm

The world is getting high
sex waves goodbye to intellect
minds run dry
boxes full of white light

tended nature
ticketed forests
dead end trails
venture to the great divide

hypnotizing screens
above the baby's crib
winter weddings
of frost coated death

peeling the skin
of a petal fair
to insulate your cold skin
enter my mind
before my pussy

give the earth some time
to match the rotation of the sky
love has an attraction curse
love has a beautiful eye
love is tagged with a sufficent price
of maybes and whys and tries

Tangled in this mess
baby of the wires
baby of the trees
baby of thought
baby of the begining
What baby do we bear?

the future holds
fears
supressed sights
of midnight frights
baby baby baby
there is still good out there

cut out the beauty from the magazine of filth
paste them on your wall
an when the wolf start howling
know love is the strongest brick of all

a poem
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - 7:02 pm

Blue skies in June
The seeds dwell in youth
Your the light lamp
I am the moth
Attracted: a fool
Worn wings of maybes

I've heard the wind
as your whisper
Watched the sunset
Like your resting eyes
Dropped from the gallows
In your soul
Felt the darkness
as your disguise

Cockeyed babies
laying out on the stone
five o' clock at eight
when is our similar
waking
or dreaming state?

The saddening promise
The frightening hope
There's no fear
Just blind sight
Built bridges outside
Let them crumble
As long as I'm
isolated with you

As you fade to the stars
We'll go side by side
Death is the only way
We'll ever part
The only way for forever
to start

:ahem: the blog is about to begin.
Saturday, May 31, 2008 - 5:00 pm

Aching: The memory of you subsides
Churning: The Hate is on the rise
Belated and out dated
Forgotten: up in smoke
Mounds of books
Cheap show and tell
Choke: This is no joke
The hunters are on the prowel
The Hunted become a feast
Scars grace your new brow
Your soul: the monkeys' chow
Stripped: Like a poor man
Binded: Like a sick man
You degrade my health
With lies and sighs
Absent wealth
Stealthy tip toe
The invisible man
Watching you from a far
Shooting you from a high
With a target on our face
We Tremble
We shake
Aching:
Churning:
Forgotten:
A Choke:
Laugh it off sweet pea
The angels have coped
Now cuddle in their wings.
With mockery
Misfired desire
Shoot at disaster instead
My heart misgives me
The living seem dead
So with definate proof I sorrow
With insecurities I bellow
Rage:
And save regret
for a unobtainable tomorrow.
Both Worlds Are Closed.

top hats off to the top of my head .. blah blah blah helps
Monday, June 9, 2008 - 9:33 pm

I stare down at the cement, drying, hardening around my feet. Almost as if in a trance. Like the couch dwellers, whose fat becomes but a cushion in the sofa. Step outside and feel the 80' degree breeze. Lay out after falling to your knees. I love children's smiles. But I only see them frown, Noah didn't save the dentures and now all the smiles will drown. Love isn't an excuse, some love a hamburger and fries. Some love the tube, that dishes out free salted lies. Admiration is such a belittling affair, braiding the devils thin, brittle hair. Lack of vocabulary, text message pride. Hiding deep in the chips of a cellular device. O' your waves, radioactive and fair, swarming the air. I guess we are all spread pretty thin. I call an eight hundred number and my energy hangs long distance. I am a telephone line, and quite the machine, I am a robot-human-being. When your it forever, you must keep both eyes closed and the third eye wide. Web time is high time, fine is the linen of your cloak, rough as bark that we skin from the trees. Your story cheesy as a corny joke, but entirely intriguing. You've got the whole world at the mercy of your barrel. Click Click Click. Just like the blink of an eye. If I was a fish, How would you catch me? If no bait aroused my crave of taste? Are we the fishes, or are we the sea men. Sailing off through waves, Poseidon, wake and calm the shores. Poseidon creep through the open doors. The confusion of perception, the perception of confusion. The confusion of the perception of confusion. On & on it goes. To all of the end. Dead dandelions give me wishes. I blow the seeds from the stem, on to the floor, plant rise, plants die, and wishes come more and more. They cancel each other out. The cords wrapped tightly around the roots, below the floor, into the rocks, far down to the core. The earth has an inner light. Why can't I.
You know our light is being consumed by a black tar called fright? One moment, to ponder a bit....No, I'm right. It might as well be out of our hands, no one wants to fight. You say a revolutions needed, Lets make a commercial and advertise SPRITE. Or How about coco puffs, or a cruise for two. Lets buy a good time, lets buy a meal, lets bargain a deal. Might as well sell your soul, because everything has a price, if all your going to do is get old. I Don't know the Boa well enough to ask if he wants to strangle you and hang you from the vine. But if it happens take a picture and show myspace photos of the good time. Popping eyes out of their sockets, to be sneaky and see what is coming from behind. Cruise control 100mph speed under the bridges. One by one they crumble, and by seconds you miss them fall. So ashamed, take me to the cliff so I can let go of the edge. Down into the fire flamed water. sprawled on the charcoal floor. The bitch comes out to spill her speech, "I am the black man, I am the white, I am the tan man, I am blue. Your No color at all so I'll be The pig queen of shit, mock and hang you. give you no breath, no reason to live." sad, sad, simply because she can. This bait will never lure me in. I Go to the Forest to lay in nature and cry. Its all for adrenaline, I'm not going to lie. Heart attack in a can, Cancer in a pack. Can you say population control. Is the prison hiring? FREE ROOM & BOARD, KILL FOR US, BE CONVICTED AND WE WILL SERVE YOU CAVIAR. WINK WINK, SECURITY SHRINKS....you will never escape as long as the atmosphere holds tight. Or you can purchase a used rocket from antique NASA.com
I'm serious, just a silly goose, who weaves flowers and grass, into a hefty, nifty noose.

You will expire
Friday, June 13, 2008 - 8:24 pm

So shall the sun
Sunflower Bullets
Daggers and Guns

ps.

Who doesn't want to be taken under the warmth of another's wing? art thou too good for wings of an angel? To conceded to be naked and wrapped in their warmth. If so, you will never feel flight. Angels disquised as demons. Demons disquised as angels.
You Don't know some one. Untill you search through out their soul.

...
Thursday, June 19, 2008 - 9:38 pm

I'am. Others are. The Earth is.

Walls
Friday, June 20, 2008 - 8:15 pm

Tonight he builds walls
And infects his sight
with blindness

Tonight he weeps
as he keeps secrets to himself
with silence

He paints himself
his own memory of the past
detailed abtraction
of truth
Drenched in moldy fibs
of sweet lethal lies

Tonight he swims
Rides the alligator north
towards the moons

A child cut on the scales
of tricked magic
Rehearsed in his isolated hell
He can make the world dissapear
But mirrors reveal
In the flesh he is still here
He can't say the same for his soul
Its lifted
warmed, and chilled to the bone

Tonight he flies
On the wings of starved birds
into the atmosphere

He swerves in his path
folded to the nerves of a laugh
Standing shivers
of fright
Sprinkled with toppings
of dissolving smiles

Tonight he misses the sun
as it falls behind the horizon
with sacrifice

Tonight he caught of glisten of hope
that slipped into the darkness
of his eyelids shut tight.

Lady Liberty
Thursday, June 26, 2008 - 9:27 pm

A promise from across the sea
Look above
She's drowning
Our freedom is gasping for air
A kiss underwater
A fight
fair and square
These words might be the death of me
The old souls whisper
Beware!
I'm a frantic freedom seeker
I'm the mime
lazy on the couch
I am devoured by life
Liberated by death

Puddle

Fvck all your shallowness
How am I to explore a puddle?
Introduce me to the ocean
Let me live inside your sea
Puddles of love
shower down
Pick the pieces
Up off the ground
Swim in to fire
Desires contained
To the hour glass
of time.

LEARN LOVE

The jaguar claw
protection of one
temples of deep waters
No one told me,
"babe, don't you dive in too soon."
so now I tell you
To learn love
My heart removed from my pinned sleeve
Placed in a cage
scard from the cat
That lurks in the darkness
Fighting with the light
I run out of his nightmares
Away from the terrors
Back into myself
Down into the caverns
of my hopless endeavor

WHAT AM I?

What am I?
Not who,
I only keep you alive
To watch you suffer
Pleasure for my pain

Life is full of rivalry
and consists of constant games

Saying hello,
with departures in mind

Warming by the fire
To chill my soul
Theres a boulder in my stomach
Weighing on my nerves
Queens of affection
Kings of assasination
Prince of chivalry
Princess of the skies

The holes in which
You lay out your lives
I am only here
to destroy you
Only here to retain
take take take
I'm the man, I'm the snake

THE SERIES

If its any consolation
to your bare conscience
The trick of time is fair
Feelings indigenous to robots
Sometimes the sun
Sometimes the moon
Depends on the hour of day
Depends on the song
I sit and hope for
Spontaneous combustion
Underashes will I fall
crawling into nirvana
Like a leech
clung tight to the past
squeezing out any life
Like a child to a bear
The hero who pulled out my hair.

TO JUST KEEP

I wither in June
Just to wait for July
Says the voice muffled inside
I wait for you
Longing, craving
one day here
the next you dissappear
are you really all I've
convinced myself to believe?
Or have I wrapped my heart
around my eyes
Bloody blindfold
burning my sights
I am running
Toward you?
I can't be sure
Further I fell far away
Closer I'll stay
I am falling faster
riding the air?
Doesn't pass as flying
The harder I hit the ground
The softer you'll pick me up
Can't we make a true promise
just this once
One that doesn't fade with parting?
To just keep you with me
is a dream.

...
Friday, July 25, 2008 - 6:41 pm

wows....
i just like the music.
simple enough?

Tides
Wednesday, August 13, 2008 - 3:53 pm

There is life inside men and women.
Frozen babes.
We are born of a puzzle.
Into one as well.
Death brings us all together.

Ride the lies

Your an element, as am I.
With the earth,
We create the starry sky.
We are small, but endless.
Good men, bad...
all with a soul...

Ride the Tides

we collect unessacary debts.
to claim possesion and pride.
But we've created this.
so now its the only way we survive.

Ride the Tides

Wash your self down the drain.
swim back up.
save your self from drowing.
no one else can.
because if their smart
they'll save themselves.

Ride the Lies

Infinate

Fly with me
Far into the depths of infinity
Drape your secrets over my world
Let your burdens grace the walls of my soul
Your skin against mine
Love's touch divine
Come to forever with me
Ever ever is waiting
I'm alone, but never lonely
I'll wait for you to get here.
Could you hurry?
I'm yearning for the affection
that goes beyond touch.
Devotion.
Unconditional emotion.
I want Love.

Poems & Chapter1 to "The Impersonal Life"
Monday, August 25, 2008 - 7:06 am

(1)

LISTEN TO THE QUIET

YESTERDAY, YOU AND I TRAVELED TOGETHER ON A VOYAGE THROUGH TIME.
AND SHARED IN THE CREATION OF ONE MIND FROM TWO
FOR ONE BRIEF MOMENT WE LIVED
AND UNDERSTOOD WHY OUR HEARTS, BOUND TOGETHER AS ONE
NOT BY CHAINS BUT BY LOVE
HOW MUCH WE BOTH HAVE LEARNED

AS WE LISTENED TO THE QUIET.

(2)

WARMTH IS NOT FARTHEREST AWAY ON WINTER DAYS
BECAUSE EVEN SUMMER DAYS CAN BE COLD
WINTER IS ONLY AN EMOTIONAL SEASON CALLED LONELINESS
IF I HAD ONE WISH
I'D WISH THAT THE WARMTH OF MY THOUGHTS WOULD MAKE FOR YOU A SUMMER DAY

(3)
smiling is someones way of making warm music
quietness is found with a symphony of smiles and tears
a thoughful concert
-warm-
and free of charge

(4)
ODESSA FLIES ON WINGS OF UNSPOKEN WORDS
TO SECRET PLACES IN MOUNTAINS FILLED WITH GOLDEN SUMMERS
TRAVELLING LIKE THE WIND ON FEATHERED CHARIOTS
OR SILKEN MOONS THAT STEAL ACROSS THE SILENT NIGHT
SHE CARRIES THE MYSTERY OF WINDING RIVERS
AND DIAMOND LAKES ON DISTANT STARS
ODESSA COMES SOFTLY BUT STAYS FOREVER
TO SHARE THE LOVE OF HER AGELESS TIME
AND SPEAK THE MUSIC THAT STRIKES THE CHORDS OF TRUTH
IN ALL THE HEARTS OF ALL THE SOULS
ODESSA WITH EYES THAT SHINE OF FIRE
THAT SEE PAST THE GUIDANCE OF MAN'S MINDS
TO VIEW THE WORLD IN LOVE
AND COMPASSION FOR THE BLINDNESS OF HER BROTHER
ODESSA COMES IN THE BLOOMING OF EARLY AGING APPLE ORCHARDS
OR IN THE DARKNESS OF MORNING WALKS ON GLISTENING BEACHES
SHE SINGS IN SILENCE
HER SOULS' SWEET SONG
AND IN THE SILENCE OF THIS UNFORGOTTEN MOMENT
BETWEEN THE CRASING OF WAVES AND FLIKERING CANDLES OF THIS WORLD
LISTEN- TO THE VOICE OF THAT HEAVENLY KIND
THAT SINGS FROM THE HEART OF ODESSA

THE IMPERSONAL LIFE

To you who read, I speak.

To you, who, through long years and much running to and fro, have been eagerly seeking, in books and teachings, in philosophy and religion, for you know not what ---Truth, Happiness, Freedom, God;

To you whose Soul is weary and discouraged and almost destitute of hope;

To you, who many times have obtained a glimpse of that "Truth" only to find, when you followed and tried to reach it, that it disappeared in the beyond, and was but the mirage of the desert;

To you, who thought you had found it in some great teacher, who was perhaps the acknowledged head of some Society, Fraternity or Religion, and who appeared to you to be a "Master," so marvelous was the wisdom he taught and the works he performed; -- only to awaken later to the realization that that "Master" was but a human personality, with faults and weaknesses, and secret sins, the same as you, even though that personality may have been a channel through which were voiced many beautiful teachings, which seemed to you the highest "Truth;"

And here you are, Soul aweary and enhungered, and not knowing where to turn ---

To you, I AM come.

Likewise to you, who have begun to feel the presence of that "Truth" within your Soul, and seek the confirmation of that which of late has been vaguely struggling for living expression within;

Yes, to all you who hunger for the true "Bread of Life," I AM come.

Are you ready to partake?

If so, then arouse yourself. Sit up. Still your human mind and follow closely My Word herein spoken. Or you will turn away disappointed once more, with the aching hunger still in your heart.

I!

Who am I? ---

I, Who speak with such seeming knowledge and authority?

Listen!

I AM You, that part of you who IS and KNOWS;

WHO KNOWS ALL THINGS,

And always knew, and always was.

Yes, I AM You, Your SELF; that part of you who says I AM and is I AM;

That transcendent, innermost part of you which quickens within as you read, which responds to this My Word, which perceives Its Truth, which recognizes all Truth and discards all error wherever found. Not that part which has been feeding on error all these years.

For I AM your real Teacher, the only real one you will ever know, and the only MASTER;

I, your Divine SELF.

I, the I AM of you, bring to you this My Message, My living Word, as I have brought to you everything in life, be it book or "Master" to teach you that I and I alone, your own True Self, AM The Teacher for you, the only Teacher and the only God, Who is and always has been providing you not only with the Bread and Wine of Life, but with all things needed for your physical, mental and spiritual growth and sustenance.

Therefore that which appeals to YOU, as you read, is MY Message, spoken to your outer human consciousness from within, and is but a confirmation of that which the I AM of you always knew within, but had not yet translated in definite, tangible terms to your outer consciousness.

Likewise, all that ever appealed to You, coming from some outward expression, was but the confirmation of My Word already spoken within. The outward expression was the avenue or means I chose at the time through which to reach and impress your human or self consciousness.

I AM not your human mind, nor its child, the intellect. They are but the expression of your Being, as you are the expression of My Being; they are but phases of your human personality, as You are a phase of My Divine Impersonality.

Weigh and study carefully these words.

Rise up and free yourself now and for always from the domination of your personality, with its self-inflated and self-glorifying mind and intellect.

For your mind henceforth must be Your servant, and the intellect Your slave, if My Word is to penetrate to your Soul consciousness.

I AM come now to your Soul consciousness, which I have quickened expressly in preparation for the reception of My Word.

Now, if you are strong enough to bear it;

If you can put aside all your private personal fancies, beliefs and opinions, which are but the rubbish you have gathered from the dumping grounds of others;

If you are strong enough to cast them all away; --

Then My Word will be to you a source of endless Joy and Blessing.

Be prepared to have this personality of yours doubt My Word as you read It all along the way;

For its very life is threatened, and it knows it cannot live and thrive and longer dominate your thinking, your feelings, your going and coming, as of old, -- if you take My Word into your heart and permit It there to abide.

Yes, I AM come to you now,

To make you conscious of My Presence;

For I have likewise prepared your human mind so that it can, in a measure, comprehend the meaning of Me.

I have been with you always, but you did not know it.

I have purposely led you through the Wilderness of books and teaching, of religions and philosophies, keeping ever before your Soul's eye the vision of the Promised Land; feeding you with the manna of the Desert, that you might remember and value and long for the Bread of the Spirit.

Now I have brought you to the river Jordan that separates you from your Divine heritage.

Now the time has come for you consciously to know Me; the time has come for you to cross over into Canaan, the land of Milk and Honey.

Are you ready?

Do you want to go?

Then follow this My Word, which is the Ark of My Covenant, and you shall go over dry shod.

xoxoxo
love

sunflowerdagger

When orange Dragonflies swim.
Monday, September 1, 2008 - 12:35 pm

Wandered through the woods
Picking sage
The heavens sprinkled tears
and I felt age
Listen to the silence of the stones
The river bed of drought
Desolate
like the love in me
And I swam with the dragonflies
waded into the depths of your eyes
Will you wash all your sin in me?
Will you let me be the dream catcher
to all your fears?
I'm starting to believe
But all the blood from my past
is smeared on my walls
Pictures of mistakes
engraved
permanent
Not one hand to wave me goodbye
Not one
to kiss away the reasons I lie.
A constructed reality
makes all thats unreal: definate.
This is how I decieve my heart.
This is how I linger.
Constant lipstick stained sleeves
Dancing in the crowd.
fvck with me.
I feel my bones crack
and my muscles tighten.
All I have for wings
is flowers.

I play the tune anew for you
Sunday, September 14, 2008 - 1:29 pm

And all your butterfly friends
I'm starved and its the fullest I've ever been
You hold me
Like the flame clings to the wick.
I'm with you and its the loneliest I've ever felt
Hung dry, from the belt of the ego
I find comfort in the cold
I mix in fine with the unknown.
So neatly, we are tucked in our cribs.
We could walk on pillows.
But we instead place them tightly around our heads.

Promises
Sunday, September 21, 2008 - 9:54 am

Like static on the screen
Noisey pests swarm through instruments
Your prideful bossom, puffed and strong
A clement Jester
teases the black dove
Solitude is just like living in your head
Carry off the blast
Carry off the explosion
Life's going to take a long time
Death will take even longer
Betrayed by all these promises
Lay on the stone
Like the skeleton your are
There's no stopping it. . .
just let go.

Sunday, September 28, 2008 - 8:41 am

The new smashing pumpkins DvD!!!!!
IF ALL GOES WRONG

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=43891429

a little preview.

so stoked
If all goes wrong, I keep on.

One year ago to day.
the sky changed
and i could taste autumn in the air
as i do know
as i ride the train through the canyon
as i ride the tracks
to mankinds only perfection.
I will never look back.
My heart will never be with a home.
But there will alwasy be a warm home in my heart.

best wishes

today

xoxoxo

Chrystal

VLog
Thursday, October 2, 2008 - 12:32 pm

10.04.08

Something interesting about my names. Just a stellar coincedence.

C-chrystal
H-heywood
A-arce'
O-ott
S-Solano

Nice to meet you, I'm CHAOS.

Thats my first name and all my grandparents last names.
My lovely father was telling me how Arce' means "man who dwells by the lone tree" Solano, means the sun years.
I understand my constant burning fire of desired solitude.
Alone completly but filled with so much love from myself and the people place in my life's path. So far anyways. I don't want to jinx anything quite yet.

thought I'd share that peace of me.

xoxox

Serenaded by robots

I couldn't walk with him in the rain
sparks would ignite
the bomb that fuses from our heads
The countdown begins
This moment, that is Creeping
When this moment comes
You'll feel the surrender
Dumb and in love with no one
but yourself
And because of that: everyone
When the blades you use to shape your excuses, run dull
you run knives across your lips
a first kiss with your soul
Secrets seaping from every pore
When nothing matters
everything means so much more
Posionous wine
vineyards at dusk
I ran with you in my dreams
We laughed and laughed.
I'm a ball of yarn
Coming undone
tossed around
Serenaded by robots.

Secrets in The Rain

The side walks are glazed in rain
I'm strolling on mirrors
With no reflection
Only in broken shards
Do you appear
I swim through pools
of chipped glass to find you
Only to feel your body
dissapear
If rain drops
could whisper
What would they say
"Babe there is no sun today.
And darling it won't rise tomorrow
But you can have it
anytime you dream
Everytime you close your eyes
Inside your lovers smile."

And then there was ONE.
Saturday, October 11, 2008 - 9:26 am

I care about the musicans creating. What they were is only important because it once was. Their feeding new material and some fans are being selfish and not opening their minds to the beauty of creation, the beauty of something new. As if they are trying to muzzle the pumpkins.

The one who whispers
is seldomly heard
The one who hides
is never seen
The one who kills
kills a bit of himself
The one who counts time
Wastes it
The one who does not love
becomes sour
The one who judges
should judge himself more
The one who reads this
will meet the floor.

LET me ENTER your MIND
so I can PAINT the DILLUSIONS

will YOU bury THE autumn LEAVES?
or STAPLE them BACK on THE tree?

(i copy and paste this from my phone)

TIME is TIMELESS
tear DOWN the WALL of "REALITY"
that DIVIDES us
TEAR it DOWN with ALL of YOUR dreams.
DANCE to MY elegant SMOKE
we HAVE nothing TO give THE spiders
BUT love
UNFORTUNATLEY that IS not WHAT they WANT.

is love not what thy want?
aren't thou nothing but a spider to?

..........

There IS over 99,999 ways TO kiss SOMEONE.

..........

I'm leaving Monday morning. I'm going to San Fran. So I will message you all when I get back in a week.

..........

Today I've been on edge. I'm hoping its nothing but caffeine withdrawls. Maybe its the snow this morning. Maybe its the chill in the air that has me so flustered. I think it was the dream I had last night. It didn't feel like a dream, and I woke to waking life. Alone. Without him. If your reading this, What is something that will calm me?
Do not say caffiene, I'm working on that. Do not say tranqulizers. I think I just want to ramble. Life can be quite the tranqulizer, I feel like a paralyzed mime sometimes. One time there was this nest a bird had built on my back porch. Three little baby birds. Every so often I'd see the mama bird bring food and fly to her babes. I noticed a couple months later, the baby birds died. They were left in the next with no food. Something must of happened to the caretaker bird, obviously. I think its a good thing to let someone take care of you. (not too much) But at times we all are helpless little birds and this world is nothing but our nest, and when your not able to fly, let someone else feed your mind. I guess we all have times when we are the ones tending the nest to. Give:Take:Serve. I was cooking some lunch and the wind against the window in my kitchen sounded like an opera singer. And NO!! I'm not stoned. lol. Ah!!! this blank feeling inside me is killing me. I don't want to call or see anyone either. I'm a hermit sometimes. I just can't think of anybody. Not even the pumpkins, that would make good company. The recent graduates, and current high school student will agree that when there was/is nothing to do, you find yourself in a car of friends driving around your town. Blasting music. Buying food. Taking pictures with merchandise at the local Wal*Mart. Or just taking myspace pics in general. Blowing kisses to the camera. I guess its cool. Right? Smoking weed. Drinking booze as you vomit and pass out on your friends couch. I look back and realize the waste of time that was wasted. Nothing in those "cute" photographs is rooted deeply enough in me to mean anything. I feel like a lot of my youth was a cheap rip off, of a commercial. And some say technology and its advancement doesn't effect our lives. Again for that statement. I laugh in your face. lol. I wish I could lite up a fag in my office. lol. I'd get fired. I want to go back to bed so I can wake up to my dream. I want to be there. United States is my ringtone. The chorus when he sings "Revolution!" I sometimes hear that first note in the noise of chaos around me so I grab my phone, assuming that I'm recieving a call. I flip it open only to find my screen saver. I think to myself that I'm crazy, that I'm hearing thing, then about 10 seconds from looking at my phone, I get a call. lol. Its like my brain is a part of my cell phone now. Makes me feel like a robot. Gives me a headache. I really like United States. Its a great song. I once played it on repeat for 3 hours while I painted my Maitote' picture. Hippies "Tripped" to Hendrix, the seeds, "Beatles." All that groovy wonderfulness. I've tripped to Machina and Zeitgeist. Insane. Thats all I've to say. My the times have changed. If you read this, thank you. lol.

.........

....
Monday, October 13, 2008 - 7:57 pm

My heart is bursting with excitment.
Novemeber 29th * * * * * V.I.P

Now, I count down the days.

.....

A poem to deaden the hours

I inhale a crying breath
In total darkness I reach for the hand that is in the infinite blackness
tis' cold but together our hands become warm
Sadness
Static
Chaos and chimes
wrapped in fine vines
from the vineyards
sipping wines
Children under the side walks
Knowledgeable treasures
That wither away due to
inconsistency
Relics due to fossilized time
What is it in you that...
lies?
hides?
That can't decided to extinguish the flame
that lights up the world of misconceptions
Society, and the sovereignty for which its stands
one nation under "one"
one nation under "god"

One god within "one"
One god under the nation

The roots will flood the land

........

Arrivederci'
I'm off to San Fran.

Can you just. . .
Friday, October 24, 2008 - 1:27 pm

Open your lil eyes
Open them and stare wide
There is blindness you will never be able to control
The blindness of the constant unknown
Diddle I die
Diddle I died

....

G.L.O.W is an agressive song. It invokes saddness in me. I have no problem with its repeative nature. When I was driving through Nevada it came on the RADIO and I turned the volume all the way up. It was amazing to hear a new song from a band that has been around for so long, on the radio. Let the lyrics repeat themselves, some cries need to be that way. G.L.O.W is an Adrenaline, in the form of a song. A Nicotine high.

....

So thats the distance of the starry sky
Roses aren't the same without thorns
Nobody can try
The alarm rings in the morning
Blending in with the backround noise of my dreams.

....

Falling from you.

I got diverted

After flying for so long

Birds hit the ground

They sing their last song

What could make it the same

The sea is never consistant

The waves always change

Send me off like a ship

Shipwrecked on the stones near the shore

Lead me

Like a prisoner into his cell

I've turned inside my being

To hide from you

In the shadows of my own reflection

In the shade of the trees

You, a marble statue

In the muesum of my memory

Cold and still

With chips on your identity

Who are you again?

I let the cigarette burn down

Scorching my blistered relic lips

A cigarette kiss

I let the smoke swarm my lungs

You, a voodoo doll

pins in your eyes

Can you see me now?

Now that your blind?

I got diverted

for flying for so long

Felt so good to hit the ground

Felt so good to fall away,

from you.

I'll message soon

love

xoxo

I woke to fog, crowding my lonliness
Dodged the snowflakes
to follow a sweet song
Like a fool I whispered spells
and lullabies
As I ventured on the pavement
All in black in white
But I could see the flesh tones
on peoples faces
"Will you sell me a soul?"
They asked me, as their bones shivered beneath their thin, paper like skin.
The world seems like a pop up book
So 2D and unreal
Where are the values?
Where is the soul?
Disney was the myths I was raised with.
There is not much else I know.
I lived inside the tv
Like I was a machine
but I am Human
I do not charge on a socket
I do not turn off
When you get sick of my cries
I will not heal from any prescriptions
If this is the order
I will not abide.

11/07/08

Is there a symbolic nature to coincidence?
Or am I ill, with kotov syndrome?
I can find you in the stars
But I loose you in these city lights.
I'm jaded
& I forgot the reason I took a stand to fight.
I'm in a white room
dripping with black doom
Love: a game serpents play
Every night
I wish it all away
Every morning
I wish it all back
Dwelling in shit
That I really control
I thrive in the depths
of the unknown
Blindly flying like the moth
Moonlight my only salvation
The father-The mind
The son-The body
& The holy ghost-The soul.

xx

Afection is worthless with out the mind to back it up.
Like time, it fades.

To day I Break open My head
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 - 1:22 pm

Dive in.

I am really really tired
and oh so
..oh my
I love you
I am truly sorry
my soul sayz not to
Killings
of lost causes
Lost laughter
confusion in the noises
Praise to soon fall short
Contention, as the force marches
try and make sense of this riddle
I cannot
I'm drunk
I'm lost
The answers are all that I have forgot
I'm breaking down time
to solve the mystery of life
double think brings me to new dead ends
ribbons frilly and pink
the party to recieve a child
A baby
Showered with presents
Though it's memory has not begun to think
These priceless causes
False securities and pride
Blankets covering the holes
in our tattered void full lives
A tornado of Bats
Encircle the spider
that feast on your face
Injecting venom of bodily desires.
Seizure away all the pain
Live for tomorrow
Die for today
One split second
and you'll recieve your wings of flames.
I saw an old man riding a shopping cart today
Reminded me of a little child
racing through the parking lot
He didn't have a care in the world
so why should I?
Why should you?
Nothing passes, it all stays
Stored tight
tucked away.
If I'm dealt shitty cards
I will not play
these words are a direct result of the caffiene scattered brain.
I'm all over the place.
Every where at once and yet so far from it all.
007, James Bond one day will fall.
Hermetic
I will dwell by the lone tree.
No one, just the meadow
as fine company.
The sun years are getting dark
or maybe we all are closing our eyes.
I know I am hiding
inside stories
inside lies
inside
Just inside.
There is nothing else to say
Just a million words stashed away.
Ordering up in a single file line
A speech spill
or nonsense spit
Just harness the foolishness
into something great
Like a horse without a saddle
A white unicorn chasing a red cape.
Boredum
White walls and bullentin boards
Get me out of here
Get me out of him
Drunk love
he is nothing but drunk love
I take a vacation to the hell
held in my soul
Neighbors of heaven
Contracts: We've all been sold
scams and flamming spams
Fvck you!
I just listen to the tunes
Love you!
Like ceral loves its spoon.
Hate you!
Because sometimes I hate myself
For you!
Thats all I care about
Kill you!
I kill myself
Want you!
because I want nothing else
Remember you!
Even if you forget me.
Drive away, slip happy pills to me.
Impress you? I don't even try to impress myself.
I'm just in search for anything else.
Anything at all.
Something that never been done or heard about.
How do you combine mysticism
with the state of reality?
Oh my god, I'm spazing out....

I'll write a real poem soon.
I can't focus on any thing today!!!!

excuse me while I piece together my brain.

lmao

sunflower

I know
Thursday, December 4, 2008 - 3:04 pm

I promised a blog about the 29th but I just can't find intrest in writing it. lol
so soon. I promise. Soon.

ow ti la dee
boo boop dee da
ga ge el la dee la la dee dee

beep beep beep

robot flower

Mother nature pulls a blanket of snow over the land
Crushes me in her over worked
Dying hand
The mind has the power
Love lost
in the memory of the lucky ones
thick glass between us
let it carve into my sin
So I may be a sculpture of perfection
Sand graces my eternal eyes
a prayer to the kings and queens
of blistered despair
I will love only one

Enough said.

Screams fill the night air
angst in your face
your worries your only care
but what about the fool
in the basket?
He lurks in the depths of hell.
Counting the sand grains beneathe his finger nailz.

Armor protects your feeble ego
stops the swords from breaking skin
What is it darling
that sheilds your soul within?
The cob webs on your lashes.
Or is it the ashes from your burnt heart.
That blinds the enemy?

Darkness devours the light
Some how...
unknown to the crowd,
hidden from the masses
from you, comes this brillant light.
Perishing untill the dim get a little brighter.
when they square themselves with their inner eclipse

Ravenous for any wisdom
that turns the path
back towards the unadulterated avalon.

Enough said.
Sunday, December 7, 2008 - 8:24 pm

Screams fill the night air
angst in your face
your worries your only care
but what about the fool
in the basket?
He lurks in the depths of hell.
Counting the sand grains beneathe his finger nailz.

Armor protects your feeble ego
stops the swords from breaking skin
What is it darling
that sheilds your soul within?
The cob webs on your lashes.
Or is it the ashes from your burnt heart.
That blinds the enemy?

Darkness devours the light
Some how...
unknown to the crowd,
hidden from the masses
from you, comes this brillant light.
Perishing untill the dim get a little brighter.
when they square themselves with their inner eclipse

Ravenous for any wisdom
that turns the path
back towards the unadulterated avalon

I will love only one.

...(silence)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 - 9:11 pm

UTEROPIA

FEEBLE I AM SAFE IN THE WOMB
BIRTH A TRANSPARENT BOMB
BURNING THROUGH ME
BUT I’D RATHER LIVE THROUGH YOU

AS A VIRGIN VINDICATES ALL LIGHT
I JUSTIFY THE SHADOWS IN THIS LIFE

CUTTING THE CHORD OF MY COMFORT
AS I SHUT MYSELF OUT OF LOVE
I WILL RETORT WITH
THE WORLDS RESONING

TELL ME IT WILL BE THE SAME
TELL ME I CAN REWIND
TAKE ME BACK TO
UTOPIA
WHERE THE INNOCENCE
IS LEFT UNFEIGNED

DEATH TO THE MACHINE
BIRTH TO THE DAWNING

THE PILLS KEEP ME WARM
NOURISHMENT FROM
THE STATIC TUNES

TELL ME I CAN BELIEVE IN YOU
BORN INTO LIGHT
REBORN INTO DARKNESS
DEATH’S SECOND
STRATTLES THE TWO

IN BIRTH WE LEAVE THE NEST
TO FLY TO A NEW SANTCUARY
ONE I DECLARE INSIDE YOU

TELL ME IT WILL BE THE SAME
TELL ME I CAN REWIND
TAKE ME BACK TO
UTOPIA
WHERE THE INNOCENCE
IS LEFT UNFEIGNED

Nothing as sweet as
a new borns scream
their tears
cleaner than the rain.

I'm a torn old soul
With no place to go.
Forgotten baby of the times.
I'm happy, but o' so cold.
Full of wonder, but terribly confused.
The Pisces in me.
The water bearer.
The headache I have for a mind.
Pure terror and havoc with in my self.
The walls inside enclose hunger.
A Sanctuary, where I hide.
A hell where I starve.
I’m a frantic mime.
Emotion stole my voice.
With every choice I’m watched.
By the treacherous, metal vulture.
Who will feed at any time.
I’m lost.
I’m in love.
My memory is blank.
The people around me are zombies.
I cry out for them to awake.
As for now, I am dirt.
I am the filth in the streets.
I hold a heavy heart in my chest.
My waking state won’t show.
But it is throbbing and Thriving
Only death will let it go.

Why I'm scared to reproduce.

2008-06-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

WELCOME TO THE WORLD YOUNG ONE.
WELCOME TO THE "FREEDOM" OF YOUR YOUTH
WELCOME TO CAPTIVITY
I am the youth
currently speaking
I am completly alone
soul solitude.
The man is after my mind.
I feel my mind is all I have left
Does any one else feel this choke of confusion?
Does any one feel left out of love.
I Trust NO ONE
...
blood shivers through my body
aching chills caresse my spine
up and through out
the naked mind
the bare mime
I've hate inside
this inner light i love so much
Past lives, full of hidden knives
stabbing into me, during any deja vou
razor marks, sacred love
turns at every corner
and the road long and traveled
keep changing below my toes.
longing to be where i may never go
i step my feet into holowed ground
i fall for miles and miles
I Don't forgive you for abanoning me to the wolves out there
Biting me, leaving me with bruises.
I know where to go, but can't you see I'm lost?
These words on your screen
are a scream for help
Can't i help you? Yes you..
far out there
fetched to another land
o' if the worlds exploding
let me go sedated.
i'm am the youth
and over the years
this world has become overrated
...

Right off the top of my head.

2008-06-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

I stare down at the cement, drying, hardening around my feet. Almost as if in a trance. Like the couch dwellers, whose fat becomes but a cushion in the sofa. Step outside and feel the 80' degree breeze. Lay out after falling to your knees. I love children's smiles. But I only see them frown, Noah didn't save the dentures and now all the smiles will drown. Love isn't an excuse, some love a hamburger and fries. Some love the tube, that dishes out free salted lies. Admiration is such a belittling affair, braiding the devils thin, brittle hair. Lack of vocabulary, text message pride. Hiding deep in the chips of a cellular device. O' your waves, radioactive and fair, swarming the air. I guess we are all spread pretty thin. I call an eight hundred number and my energy hangs long distance. I am a telephone line, and quite the machine, I am a robot-human-being. When your it forever, you must keep both eyes closed and the third eye wide. Web time is high time, fine is the linen of your cloak, rough as bark that we skin from the trees. Your story cheesy as a corny joke, but entirely intriguing. You've got the whole world at the mercy of your barrel. Click Click Click. Just like the blink of an eye. If I was a fish, How would you catch me? If no bait aroused my crave of taste? Are we the fishes, or are we the sea men. Sailing off through waves, Poseidon, wake and calm the shores. Poseidon creep through the open doors. The confusion of perception, the perception of confusion. The confusion of the perception of confusion. On & on it goes. To all of the end. Dead dandelions give me wishes. I blow the seeds from the stem, on to the floor, plant rise, plants die, and wishes come more and more. They cancel each other out. The cords wrapped tightly around the roots, below the floor, into the rocks, far down to the core. The earth has an inner light. Why can't I.
You know our light is being consumed by a black tar called fright? One moment, to ponder a bit....No, I'm right. It might as well be out of our hands, no one wants to fight. You say a revolutions needed, Lets make a commercial and advertise SPRITE. Or How about coco puffs, or a cruise for two. Lets buy a good time, lets buy a meal, lets bargain a deal. Might as well sell your soul, because everything has a price, if all your going to do is get old. I Don't know the Boa well enough to ask if he wants to strangle you and hang you from the vine. But if it happens take a picture and show myspace photos of the good time. Popping eyes out of their sockets, to be sneaky and see what is coming from behind. Cruise control 100mph speed under the bridges. One by one they crumble, and by seconds you miss them fall. So ashamed, take me to the cliff so I can let go of the edge. Down into the fire flamed water. sprawled on the charcoal floor. The bitch comes out to spill her speech, "I am the black man, I am the white, I am the tan man, I am blue. Your No color at all so I'll be The pig queen of shit, mock and hang you. give you no breath, no reason to live." sad, sad, simply because she can. This bait will never lure me in. I Go to the Forest to lay in nature and cry. Its all for adrenaline, I'm not going to lie. Heart attack in a can, Cancer in a pack. Can you say population control. Is the prison hiring? FREE ROOM & BOARD, KILL FOR US, BE CONVICTED AND WE WILL SERVE YOU CAVIAR. WINK WINK, SECURITY SHRINKS....you will never escape as long as the atmosphere holds tight. Or you can purchase a used rocket from antique NASA.com
I'm serious, just a silly goose, who weaves flowers and grass, into a hefty, nifty noose.

Amazing Artitst Von Natascha

2008-05-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

Such a beautiful artist with an amazing mind
:)

http://elfen-und-zeitgeist.over-blog.com/

Go and see some more of her art at the link above.
I absolutly adore
her work
:)

love sunflowerdagger

How To RunAway

2008-04-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

Seal Your heart in your pocket
Make your memories a blank space
Sing a song
when there is fire
in your face
The first rain shower
The last snow
What reflection does a rainbow hold?
I'm taking her to get an abortion tomorrow
Feels like I'm going to an unfair funeral
Sing the sorrow
stuff the butterfly back into the cacoon
Play god
and runaway
just like you do

native

2008-04-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Beauty
Beauty is so purty
mmmm... tree
Don't look at me
A snack for the queen
posion between
Native
drugged in a foreign land
never to return
or laugh again
Cig dresses
lost Lighter blues
Innocence is the braid
of times nuse
Look around
from the sky to the ground
this is as far as we go
The drop off:
The sun
at the end of the road
The end of our drive
Lets flip a bitch
and kill more hours
in the night
Lay a little longer
catch a star
burn out
more than just a wish
from a shooting star
Now you get to be
who you are
Your soul
native from your being
Don't destroy
like we did
sweet decoy
kiss of destraction
life of reactions
A clock
tick tock
suprises inside
look within
to figure without

Jimi

2008-04-20T12:16:00.001-07:00

Sleep depervation

2008-04-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

More like Dream depervation. Heres a list on whats on my mind.
*~the ever changing state of music
*~the butterflies of attraction (aka love)
*~Blue hair dye at my home waiting in the bottle
*~Payday
*~Random words mixing together attempting one solid poem
*~Paintings I must finish
*~Strangers with strange ways
*~Tom and Jerry
*~The lack of anything useful in todays cartoons
*~How stride gum sucks.
*~The silence of my job
*~My stab wound from my nose piercing
*~A weird urge to watch The Godfather
*~How I've been on this computer all morning staring into a box of white light.
*~The earth and stars

The Darkness of a Sunny day

2008-04-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

Written songs that no one ever sings

Every hour of the day

the sun rays are changing colors

Every moment

we can dance in the rain showers

one confetti rain fall

Sitting on a box of clouds

Smoking away some days

Always curious of the faces

behind the walls

The wall of Faitour smiles

Come one, to be small

I rush away from the moon

Because I feel you

I feel my heart bursting

Splattered love all over

I thought I saw rain drops on the floor

Your eyes the clouds

Don't hurt anymore

Even when rivers run dry

When there's darkness

Beside the light

One final battle

"THE VERY LAST FIGHT"

The red stained shadows

Black stained souls.

Peace is now a fashion statement.

No longer the strength

The claw on the run

swooping down on innocent prey

The secrets silence sells

The Clock Strikes Eight

2008-04-19T15:25:00.000-07:00

Bouquets of flowers to enrage the fire

Fragrant warmth

My guard a tower

satin smoke

dresses the child that shivers

silk tears to be sold

Tallied Cadavers

Engraved memories

buried hopes

I send the weeper to the gate

I summon the reaper to kill hate

Cursed thought

the expanding mind

what if we return to the state of dust

we are stars

he is correct

cosmic mistakes?

Perhaps

but that doesn't mean we aren't beautiful

we are the shimmer in the skies eye

you are the shimmer in mine

a hotel with golden stairs

jeweled animals

desks of pure water

and fish

i walk outside the the graffiti side walks

i run down the alley

i see a red fabric, I walk beside it

I feel like the rabbit

I've some where to be

late, so late

for a very important date

as I'm running...

i know the entire time

That I've already missed out

but i run faster

and my clock empties on to the floor

Inside was poisonous bread crumbs

I have the choice to retrace my steps and go back

But to where?

I ask the man in the top hat

(the same man who I've met on the high way

he once gave me a necklace. one glass tear

that contained all my sadness and fears

so i wear it around my neck to not live it in my life)

He gave me the answer

"What is the Point?"

"you are where you are

and you know where it leads

right back here

to give the same question to me"

i glanced back at the trail

then alley ahead

i was out of bread crumbs

my clock was dead

"where do i go when my time is up?What trail do i leave?"

he said,"why leave your self a trail?

Do you plan to retrace your steps?"

I realized the past is poison

I bowed

went to walk away

"wait, one more thing, my daughter

of dimes, Don't leave a trail, but leave your finger prints behind.

"i walked and smiled on

Came again to the still waters where i found peace

in the disturbances i caused

picking orchids

that were dripping with glittered dust.

I pick them for the fire

so they don't get the Stone angel's touch

Your late

so late for a very important date

run and empty the poisonous

fillings of your clocks

who is who to time true love?

Blue skies in June

2008-04-19T14:43:00.000-07:00

Blue skies in June
The seeds dwell in youth
Your the light lamp
I am the moth
Attracted: a fool
Worn wings of maybes

I've heard the wind
as your whisper
Watched the sunset
Like your resting eyes
Dropped from the gallows
In your soul
Felt the darkness
as your disguise

Cockeyed babies
laying out on the stone
five o' clock at eight
when is our similar
waking
or dreaming state?

The saddening promise
The frightening hope
There's no fear
Just blind sight
Built bridges outside
Let them crumble
As long as I'm
isolated with you

As you fade to the stars
We'll go side by side
Death is the only way
We'll ever part
The only way for forever
to start

2007-04-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

hola hola hola
so i'm in salt lake, sucks because i don't know any one yet, but i love our pawn shoppe, its kind of smelly though. i found some metallica albums there for 2$ which was cool. and a dVd for five bucks that has some old horror movies, DR. Blood's coffin... etc. etc. there fun to watch because there old, so its not to scary just creepy. I miss my cd case.... i lost both of them so all my music is gone, and i cant resort to my laptop because my sistas threw away the chord, and its weird the music i miss the most is Smashing Pumpkins, ahhhh.... i really want to hear Adore :( and in the arms of sleep, i think i have a music curse because i always loose music items like my i=pod :)
i'm bored and i know i didn't betray anyone
:(
fin

sometimes

2007-03-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you really don't value the people you have until you have to leave them or they leave you. These last couple weeks have been too much of a roller coaster and its one of those rides where you just want it to end but it never does. My farewell party which was really fun was almost a month ago, but i never moved. I stayed at Mac's motel as most of you know. but i really don't want to talk about that too much or about whats going on right now. That shit is really depressing and depressing is always boring. I went too my new house, (which is the exact same house i grew up in) it gave me the chills i don't know why. Its almost as if my childhood is a ghost, and memories are coming back to haunt me. You'd of like my house back in the early 90's. I just know you would. It was a dis functional perfection. My favorite part was the big red rusty swing set. it wasn't that plastic five foot shit, oh no.... it was big enough it looked like you were going to descend right into the sky. its gone now, but you really would of loved it. Yesterday i was driving around in salt lake and i was trying to get to park city and back up to heber to pick up Noemi, Martha and Jill. We were going to go to the canyons and just chill. I got lost and by the time i found parleys i was out of gas. so i took this exit to try and find a gas station. It was desolate, but i met this bicyclist, he was stretching and looked so focused and determined... like he was lance Armstrong or something. I pulled over to ask for directions, he did what most people would do, i could tell he had no idea, because he kept pointing in different directions, and his numbers were worse then a sudoku puzzle, but he had that kind old man persona, the one where you want to ask him if he'll take you fishing and be your grandpa. I didn't mind that he didn't knew, its charming when people accidentally mislead you, it shows they truly wanted to try and help you. Either that or they don't give a shit if you take a desolate dessert road and end up dying. Who knows, but he really was like a grandpa. I ended up going back to salt lake. Because i couldn't find that exit he was telling me about. But damn it the city is so confusing.... i almost hit this guy who was riding his bike to, kind of a coincidence if you think about my bicycle encounters. I know I'm a bad driver... but i also happen to know i can turn left on a green light. He was wearing this kick ass peace Ty-dye tee. and he had his headphones on, probably blasting something I'd love like Eric Clapton or the doors. Well i almost hit him... fortunately we're both good at swerving, so he lived. I know i didn't scare him enough because he was able to flip me off and follow me three blocks to chew me out. Luckily i was wearing my Beatles shirt, because after he yelled, "Bull SHIT YOU FUCKER!!!!" he whispered as he drove of < "nice shirt" * followed by whispers**** "good band, good band" i think the Beatles saved me from getting mugged. i was kind of mad at him and when i went to Starbucks all i could think about was how guilty i felt about almost hitting a hippie brother, i wanted to follow him five buck and chew him out for yelling at me and thinking it was okay because we found common ground. but i would never do that. I'd feel guilty even more. But you'd of been shocked. I bet we could be good friends.
good night
*~psssssh over